The Man is home. He has been for a little over a week. There hasn't been a lot of talking. It was very awkward when he first got home. I was and still am to a large degree very guarded. I don't want to be hurtful, nor do I want to be hurt.
Some things are better. Some things have just been left hanging out there, not really sure how to draw them in or release them.. so there they stay.
There have been some things that have really reached me. I had a very dear friend whom I loved dearly go home to be with Jesus very unexpectedly. It broke my heart. We have been friends since college. I wouldn't have made it through my first two years without her. I called her Sunshine, because that is what she was to everyone. After watching the recording of her funeral, I was beside myself with grief and emotions battered my soul till I thought I would drown in them. In a moment of desperation, I gathered several implements and begged The Man to please help me and to make it better. (There had been no spanking up until this point). The Man in his calm and loving way, spanked me until I could cry for my friend and the loss of her light in this world. He loved me and then held me as I sobbed for the loss of my friend.
I had a situation that I was trying to get straightened out at a store, and they were NOT being forthcoming in how to cancel the order and get a refund. After over an hour, I called The Man, and it went something like this:
Me: Sweetheart, I have been here an hour, and I can not get this worked out, can you come?
The Man: On my way, be there ASAP.
And when he got there, he took care of it. He came marching into the section of the store I was in and it was VERY obvious he was not pleased with whoever had upset his wife to the place she called for back up. With a few well placed comments and questions, we were on our way up front to have our money refunded. He never raised his voice or was inappropriate. It was pretty cool to watch truth be told...
The Man has worked hard on thing around the house that I would like to see done. I am appreciative of everything that has been done. He has enlisted the help of our youngest two sons and they are making some serious progress.
Then why do I still feel so alone? Why do I feel like there is a wall between him and me?