Monday, April 13, 2015

A Moment of Clarity...

So, for those of you who keep up with me, you know that things have been tough for The Man and I lately.  We have struggled through this last month, through hurt feelings and feeling of betrayal and the death of a friend.

Today, I had a very serious moment of clarity.  While The Man was home alone, he was trying to put the lawn mower on the back of the truck for my dad to borrow.  As he almost reached the top of the ramps into the truck, the ramps snapped, and The Man fell backwards flat on his back with the lawn mower on top of him.  Did I mention he was home alone?  So that you can have a really vivid (look I suffered, thought I would share) picture of what landed on him, I have added a pic. for your viewing terror.

Image result for hustler zero turn mowers
Feel free to gasp!!  I did.
So after it became very, very clear to me that I could have lost my husband, my love, my friend, my protector, and my leader, I thanked the Lord above profusely for protecting my Moon Hangin' Man.  Then, the world shifted, the clouds rolled back and I came to the conclusion, that whatever I feel or we need to work through, really, REALLY pales in comparison to the mere thought of NOT having him to love and cherish.  He is sore, very sore, but nothing in broken and I did beg him to promise me he would never do anything like that again while home alone.  He didn't give me a hard time, or make light of my fears...  He completely agreed for my sake as well as his..


Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Real Neat Blog Award

Real Neat Blog Award Rules

1. Put the Award Logo in your post
2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you
4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.
5. Let them know you nominated them.

My questions to be answered...

1. How many blog friends have you texted, spoken to on the phone, and/or met in person?  Let's see...  I have spoken to 4 blog friends, and hope to meet up with some this summer.

2. Three bloggers that have relationships most similar to your own

I would have to say Blondie, Sarah, and June from June and Ward all have a lot of traits from our marriage.

 3. How often do your blog - write posts and/or read post? 

It really depends.  Sometimes daily, weekly I post.  I try to read daily and comment when I can.  I find that if something is troubling me, or I want to share something that my "vanilla" friends wouldn't get.. I come here.

 4, Do you have more than one blog?   NO

 5. What would make you stop blogging?
I have almost stopped a couple of times.  Both times it was when the community was in an uproar over something or other and it was just too much drama for me.

 6. Are there any anonymous commenters that you liked so much that you wish they would blog?  I can't really think of any.  Most of the people who comment on my blog, leave their name, or blog name.

7. Does your spouse read your blog and/or participate with your blog?  Yes, The Man reads my blog, and sometimes comments.  Especially when he is away, it's another way for him to gage how I am doing.  It is also a way for us to communicate with one another.  He is always so encouraged by the community and how kind everyone is.

I nominate Lillyanna Rose Submits, Red Booty Woman, and Cat from Giggles, Grins and Reflections.

My questions are as follows:

1.  How long have you been blogging?
2.  Would you consider a relationship without TTWD?
3.  What do you like best about a DD relationship? What do you like least?
4.  Does anyone in your life know about your DD relationship status?
5.  What is your funniest DD experience?
6.  What is your partners most creative punishment?
7.  Would you like to meet any blog friends?

Monday, April 6, 2015

Whatcha Gonna do? Spank me?

Before you ask... yes I said it.  We were playing around, and it just rolled right out of my mouth...  A little voice inside myself said.."Are you stupid or what?"  However, The Man just smiled...

He has worked very, very hard this week to take care of some things that needed to be done.  He has not pushed me, but he has been here.  He has been very affectionate with me, touching, hugging, caressing..  It has been difficult at times.  It is very uncomfortable to be touched and snuggled when the walls are up.  It's almost painful, but slowly, things have gotten easier.

We had a family get together for Easter, and he and I were sending naughty messages back and forth..  We were both looking forward to playing then..  he began caressing, and then a deep massage because my muscles were screaming with tension and I drifted off to sleep.. He was prepared and happy with just snuggling, but there in that moment...  my heart longed to reconnect with him, and he loved me slowly and sweetly and it was amazing, and somehow, in that moment of meeting my needs...  the ache eased and I could breathe again.

We are working through things.  I am often timid and he is often at a loss, but we are getting there. 

Friday, April 3, 2015

What I Need, When I Need It...

The Man is home.  He has been for a little over a week.  There hasn't been a lot of talking.  It was very awkward when he first got home.  I was and still am to a large degree very guarded.  I don't want to be hurtful, nor do I want to be hurt.

Some things are better.  Some things have just been left hanging out there, not really sure how to draw them in or release them.. so there they stay.

There have been some things that have really reached me.  I had a very dear friend whom I loved dearly go home to be with Jesus very unexpectedly.  It broke my heart.  We have been friends since college.  I wouldn't have made it through my first two years without her.  I called her Sunshine, because that is what she was to everyone.  After watching the recording of her funeral, I was beside myself with grief and emotions battered my soul till I thought I would drown in them.  In a moment of desperation, I gathered several implements and begged The Man to please help me and to make it better.  (There had been no spanking up until this point).  The Man in his calm and loving way, spanked me until I could cry for my friend and the loss of her light in this world.  He loved me and then held me as I sobbed for the loss of my friend.

I had a situation that I was trying to get straightened out at a store, and they were NOT being forthcoming in how to cancel the order and get a refund.  After over an hour, I called The Man, and it went something like this:

Me:  Sweetheart, I have been here an hour, and I can not get this worked out, can you come?

The Man:  On my way, be there ASAP.

And when he got there, he took care of it.  He came marching into the section of the store I was in and it was VERY obvious he was not pleased with whoever had upset his wife to the place she called for back up.  With a few well placed comments and questions, we were on our way up front to have our money refunded.  He never raised his voice or was inappropriate.  It was pretty cool to watch truth be told...

The Man has worked hard on thing around the house that I would like to see done.  I am appreciative of everything that has been done.  He has enlisted the help of our youngest two sons and they are making some serious progress.

Then why do I still feel so alone?  Why do I feel like there is a wall between him and me? 

Monday, March 16, 2015

At a Crossroads...

Someone (Cat) suggested I try to process and put my thoughts out there, and see if I can get clarity.  When I am really struggling with something that is hurtful and has the possibility to hurt others, I tend to withdrawal.  Therefore, I have hunkered down.  I guess my absence has been noticed, as I had two of my blogland friends contact me on the same day.

Before I go into anything, please keep in mind, I love The Man very much.  I am very hesitant to say anything because his feelings matter so very much to me, and I don't want anyone to think poorly of him.

The Man has done something that has hurt the trust I have in him.  I want to protect him, I know that the why behind what happened, and my mind understands it.  The me that has been shaken to the core, not so much.  I struggle with my own feelings because I know it was not intentional.  It was not the norm, but I am hurt and feel betrayed none the less.  To the place that for the first time since we began TTWD, I have considered withdrawing consent.

Before you think the wrong thing... no he was not unfaithful, no he didn't make a huge financial decision without me, no he has not been abusive, and finally... no he did not spank me in anger.

But what he did do was pull the emotional rug out from underneath me.  He made a statement/threat that made the safety and security I depend on to no longer feel that way.

I am concerned that with his ADHD, and other things that the responsibilities of being an HOH is too much of a strain and pressure for him. It's not easy being in charge, being the final say.  I am not being sarcastic when I say that.  I fear he is forcing himself into a role he does not want for my sake.

I just know that at this point, I can't even fathom consenting to a spanking at this point.  Good girl or otherwise.  This is a trust issue for me all the way around.  Over the two years I have been reading and blogging, I have seen many women or couples struggle with similar things.... I fear I'm not much better than others who have muddled through...

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Can Someone please Stop the Merry go Round?

When I was a kid, we used to say..  HEY!!  Someone stop the merry-go-round, I wanna get off!!!  Yeah well...

I have not been here, and for that I am sorry.  I have missed you guys!!  Lots.  Let's see...  Let's do this in bullet form, and for your amusement!!

  • My mother got her medicine wrong and was only taking a 1/3 of her dosage...  Wanna guess how well that went with her bi-polar self? 
Image result for crazy cartoon
(And before anyone gets theirs panties in a twist. that is NOT her, it's ME)
  • I came home to find my sons girlfriend in his bedroom WITH him...  Ya'll can just guess how well that went.  Just suffice to say, it was not pretty.  The Man was right there to back me up!!
Image result for You thought that was a good idea why?
My father has determined that cardiac rehab isn't for him, and neither is eating to control his diabetes..  Gotta love him.
One the up side, I worked at home today and OMG!!!  I got three cases worked up and ready to turn in.  I am so happy.
The Man comes home tomorrow and he will be home for Valentines Day for the first time in years.  I got flowers and the promise of a rather exciting good girl spanking.
If you could have seen the faces of our 21, 18 and 16 year old when I told them to be cleared out of the house by 6 pm on Valentines and not to come back till 11.  OMG..  It was such sweet revenge.  They couldn't get out of my kitchen fast enough.  Okay.. It's petty...  but hey... gotta take the shots where you can.
I am doing dinner and then The Man is doing me..  so to speak... 
I have truly missed you guys!!!  I hope things are going well in your corner of the world!!!

Sunday, January 18, 2015

Adjustments... Attitude and other Stuff..

It has been a whirlwind, and you know what?  The Man has been steady as a rock.  In his three weeks home, we had that little discipline issue...(bleh), an overnight stay for a client, sick parents, sick kid, and just trying to be who we are.

The Man has been amazing.  We had planned a date night, and there were issues with the parents, food that needed to be cooked and I was so bummed.  I got home, and he looked at me and said, "Get up and let's go, I am taking my girl on a date."  I just melted.

There has been time for more than one GG spanking..  (All Spanko's feel free to sigh and have a moment of envy.. Cause it was soooo damn good.)  More than anything, he has stepped up when I needed help.  He has helped me to focus on doing one thing at a time.

We talked a lot about spankings..  The Man loves to spank for stress relief or for erotic or pleasure.  He hates to punish and if he did not see the benefit for me and us, he would not do it.  He finally told me that he feels that he is holding me to a standard that he himself cannot attain.  I explained to him, that I am not looking at it that way.  I am looking at it solely from my behavior and accountability.  But ya know what, is that or is that not the sign of an awesome HOH?  Love that Man..

Tomorrow I am embarking on a new way of eating in hopes of healing my thyroid.  The Man has been so supportive, he helped me make meals ahead, and yes, has agreed to hold me accountable for this.  Weight loss may come and that is going to be amazing, but mostly I just want to feel better.

Friday, January 9, 2015

Date Night... Date Night.. and GG Spanking!!!

WOOOHOOOO!!!  It's Date Night at our house.  That means... The Man is taking me out.. and then a little shopping..  a little yummy in a glass for me and then home..  To our room

Or Maybe
I'm thinking that is just the start..  Yup.. Yup..  I see Good Girl Spankings in my very near future and hot monkey sex..  Have a wonderful weekend!!!