Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The Dog ate... the Paddle....

Now, those of you who have been around with me a while know that I am a lover of good girl spankings, erotic spankings and stress relief spankings.  (Notice that punishment spankings were not in that lengthy list of yummy....)  Well, you all know that I have things to make right between The Man and I and the reckoning is pending.....

Everyone also knows that I bought a nifty little toy that was called the Hand Buddy.  Nice little square of leather that slips over the hand...  Nice thud, deep sting..  yeah...  Anywho..  I have this dog...  Love her, she's my sleeping pal, and well her only short coming is that anything, and I do mean anything leather is like a beacon to her.  She chewed the end of my rose paddle that I love so much when we first got her.

Now, imagine my surprise to come home today and find a very, VERY chewed up Hand Buddy in the living room floor. 

 My first thought was OMG, the kids saw that....  My second was, OMG she chewed my favorite toy.  My third and most important thought was... WHY oh WHY could she not have chewed up the punishment paddle if she was going to chew something.

I mean can't you just see it...  I'm sorry Sir, but the punishment paddle has met with an unfortunate demise... (imagine gleeful delight here)

Alas, it was not to be.  Of course, the punishment paddle is safely stored.  Go figure...

Monday, December 29, 2014

All Up In The Air...... Including my Bottom..

Dear Sir,

I know that I am not required to call you Sir but I do so out of respect, especially when I know we are in a punishment time.  Yes, I have had three weeks to think about the mistakes that I made.  I can honestly say I have not stressed about it.  Am I anxious?  Yes.  Am I looking forward to the punishment?  Not really.  Will I be glad for the reconnection?  Yes.

My concerns are different from times in the past when I knew that punishment was looming on the horizon.  In times past, my fear revolved around the pain.  That it would hurt more than I could stand.  Or that the PTSD monster would rear it's ugly head and make a mess of something meant to restore and reconnect.

This time, there is none of that.  This time, I am aware and totally agree that what I did was so very wrong on so many levels.  My heart longs to make amends and be free of the guilt that I feel.  I desire to reconnect the line that I broke with deceit and disrespect of you and our relationship.  In my heart, I feel like this warrants a very intense spanking and I fear that I won't be able to submit or that I will do something or say something that causes you not to provide me with the level of correction I feel is necessary to make this right in my heart and between us.

You are my heart and I love you so very much.

Monday, December 15, 2014

Either hide the paddles or me!!!

Well, folks...  No other way but to say it...  I have made a major mistake and then compounded it by hiding it.  I'm not sure just HOW many of the D's I have broken, but my first thought would be... a bunch!!

I don't do well with guilt.  It eats at me.  I am my own worst critic.  Long and short, I made a financial error, and then compounded it by not dealing with it for 4 months.  Yes, you read right.  Geez..  :)  Anywho..  I got my big girl panties on and dealt with it today.  Well most of it.  The big part of it. 

I thought long and hard about telling The Man.  My first thought was to wait till he gets home.  I am ashamed and embarrassed to admit that I waited till I fixed it to tell him.  Actually, I am just ashamed and embarrassed period.  That I did it and then that I hid it from him for months.

I am also embarrassed and shocked at how many women I talked to today that encouraged me to just hide it from him, never tell him.  I was so shocked and then shamed to realize, effectively I had done just that.  It seemed silly to say to them, that's not how we roll, when that is certainly how I rolled for 4 months.

I sent The Man an email, and simply explained the situation.  I fessed up, came clean, whatever you want to call it.  He was gracious and kind as always.  I am not getting a spanking for making the mistake, but I am getting one for hiding it from him willfully. 

So, I have three weeks to hide the paddles are get the heck outta dodge.... :)