Thursday, September 18, 2014

Just Rambling...

I know its been a while since I posted.  The Man came home, and that was wonderful.  We are doing fine and for that I am very grateful.  I will warn you ahead of time, this post may hop around.  We are in the middle of a family BrewHaHa and it has been frankly a mess and I am trying to wrap my mind around how I feel, how I should feel, what to do and how to act, verses what I want to do and how I want to act.

One of our children is in the process of making decisions that at the least is going to negatively impact on his life at best and at worst have lasting consequences for the rest of it.  As parents, you never want your children to suffer.  We have tried our best to raise our children to be responsible, level headed individuals who keep their word and think before they act.  It is terrible to feel like I am standing on the sidewalk watching one of my kids walk in front of a bus, helpless to stop the wreck.

To complicate things, he has completely alienated us, told us that he knows what he is doing, and that we are not welcome.  He has divided the family sowing discord and expecting the siblings to take sides.  He has encouraged our youngest son to keep secrets from us.  He has been very disrespectful and hurtful to both myself and The Man.  In our eyes and the eyes of most other people, he has made a decision that has brought shame on his honor as a man.  That is so very hard for The Man.  Me as well, but especially my Sweetheart.

He has made these decisions alone and is going to have to accept the consequences of them alone.  I don't know where to temper with mercy.  I love my son as does The Man.  However, our son has chosen to walk a very difficult path and has departed from the training as parents we provided.  It has come out that he has been dishonest with us, his family, his friends, and not only one this.  I have humbly asked The Man to set the boundaries of our interaction with our son at this point and I will abide by them.  This is hard.  I don't want to see our son suffer, but I am not inclined to lift a finger to help him at this point.

His level of disrespect and disregard for us and our family is devastating.  I am so very hurt and I can be honest and say I don't do well with that.  I am a give everything I have to my children.  I have wrapped my life around them and this level of betrayal and hurt is just a really hard thing for me.  We love him.  We are embarrassed by his actions, as he is a reflection of our parenting. Makes me cringe just thinking about it.

I have not withdrawn my love, but I have withdrawn my presence and communication with him.  He has made it very clear that we and me especially are not acceptable at this time and he wants not interference from us.  He has no idea how being totally cut off from me that would mean.

I dread him coming home.  I fear his attitude.  I fear that his Dad will put him out for disrespect, yet I agree that he can not terrorize our home.  I dread that he will come  home when The Man is gone and I am going to have deal with this sullen man/child who is being disrespectful and wreaking havoc on our family.

The Man left to go back today.  Don't mind telling ya, it sucks to be the mom right now...

10 comments:

  1. I feel the pain in this post, as a Mother who has experienced it herself. I know no other deeper pain and I'm so sorry you are traveling through it. Breathe. Turn towards The Man, not away. Breathe again. Accept that it really does suck sometimes to be the mom. Hugs and positive energy sent your way :)

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    1. I go between, when did you come to hate me so much and I am so disappointed, to my heart just hurts.

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  2. Aww sweet Dana...I so feel your pain...not only as a mother but as a wife. As I've said before...our children are our greatest joy and our greatest sorrow. Unfortunately I have also been through this kind of pain.

    BTW...You can give your children the best upbringing possible and they make their own choices...this does not reflect on your parenting skills! I grew up with a young man...middle child of 9 children...all his brothers and sisters turned out great...he is serving a life sentence in a federal prison for stealing a plane and having a shoot out with Federal agents! His choice...not his folks parenting skills! You and the Man are wonderful parents!

    If there is anything I can do...even if it's to just listen, I am here...anytime. Sending lots of prayers and healing energy.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. It has been an extremely troubling three weeks and there doesn't seem to be much hope in sight. I hate dreading the thought of him coming home.

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  3. Dana,
    Family heartbreak involves strong emotions. I know all about this. I am glad you can vent on the blog and receive some support. We are here.
    Meredith

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    1. Thanks Meredith. Ya know, nobody can hurt you quite like your children. I am angry and hurt and feel guilt because I feel that way because he's my kid. My emotions are in such turmoil. Yes, it's so comforting to be able to vent here. You guys are awesome.

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  4. I'm sorry-- that is such a difficult situation. No advice, to offer just hugs.

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    1. Thanks Renee. It's doubly hard cause well, I am one who ALWAYS has a plan.. and I just don't this time.

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  5. Sorry to hear of this. It is so difficult when children make bad life choices, and when they act in a manner contrary to the values we tried to instill in them. Sending hugs...

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    1. Thanks. It's really tough right now.

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