Thursday, July 10, 2014

Just Checkin In

It has certainly been a whirlwind.  I am sitting here wondering just where to start.  It's just a big ole' jumble.  My son has graduated high school and we are taking our sons tubing tomorrow as The Man leaves on Saturday for 6-7 weeks this time at a minimum.  In the midst of this, our son leaves for basic training for the Army. 

So I do believe that I need some kind of cosmic big girl panties and I'm not sure they have been made.  I am so very proud of my son.  I love him, and it has been my joy to raise him and watch him grow into the amazing human being that he is.  I will miss him everyday.  He is calm, he is gentle and he is kind.  He is funny, respectful, longing to help others and has a deep abiding faith that humbles me.  He is a joy to both his father and I and loved dearly by his siblings.

In the midst of this whirlwind, The Man made a mistake.  It was an honest one, but it was one that shook the foundation of my safety.  (No, he didn't cheat)  But it was terrible.  I couldn't eat or sleep.  I cried.  He took care of it.  He was very sorry, and he took care of it, and things are fine now, but I WAS JUST REELING.  At one point, he offered to spank me and I refused.  Then I thought better and told him that if he felt that I needed to be spanked, I would submit.  In his humility, he stated, I don't know what to do, and it's because of me that we are here, and I will not spank you unless you need me to and are asking.  He quietly went about fixing things and presented me with the solution.  I am very proud of him, and his strength of character.  It takes a man of character to admit when he is wrong and fix it.

I have some things going on in our family that is very painful and we are working through it, but there is nothing worse than one of your children being in pain and being able to do nothing but support and watch them work through it.

Now, on a final note.  As I was mentioned in Christina's confession and apology, I want to say this.  Yes, I was shocked, and yes hurt and yes angry and yes confused.  I have told Christina this in a personal conversation so I feel okay putting it out there.  I am sorry that everyone is so hurt.  Chelsea and Rogue especially.  It was wrong and I told C that as well.  I am hopeful that the dust will settle and the wounds won't be so raw.  Betrayal is a really bitter pill to swallow and I think that is the underlying layer of the anger and outrage, and that is okay.  I am hopeful that in time (and Lord knows I don't have a timeframe in mind) that the pain will ease for those so hurt.

I am trying to reconcile the woman who sent me a package full of goodies when my Aunt was dying and I so desperately needed a boost, the woman who called me when my daughter was spiraling into the depths of depression and just listened and encouraged me, or the one who sent me funny texts with the woman who created and allowed a deception to twist and tangle out of control.  Who is she?  I think she is both.  Not all good, not all bad, but definitely made some very huge mistakes that not only made a mess in her life but many others. 

Our way of life we have chosen and come here to talk about involve consequences and the consequences for C may very well be the loss of very special friends.  Forgiveness does not mean restoration.  That is for each individual person to decide.  I am just so very sad for everyone that is hurting.

16 comments:

  1. Hey Dana...Hope y'all have a lot of fun tubing...don't forget the sunscreen!

    I have also sent a son off to boot camp and it is hard but you and the Man have raised a fine young man who is ready to go take his place in the world...congratulations to all three of you.

    So very proud of the Man for not only fixing the mistake but owning up to it...many, men and women, don't. I know it is going to be hard with him gone longer and taking your son to the induction center alone...I am here.

    Regarding C...you stated it beautifully! And that is the last comment I will make on the situation.

    Sending lots of prayers and positive energy...I am right here if you need anything.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. I may need to lean on you that is for sure. I miss him already.

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  2. Dana,
    Definitely lots going on in your household - so glad that you and the Man are ok.

    I can so identify with you and your son - mine graduated but is not leaving home quite yet. I love that feeling of looking at your young man with pride - and as yours goes off to bootcamp, we will keep him in our prayers.

    Your thoughts on Christina are so poignant - thank you for sharing them.
    hugs,
    Cali

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    1. Thanks Cali.. And yes, it's awesome to watch him come into his own. He is so much like his Dad...

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  3. Your husband sounds like such a good guy. You are so right that a strong man doesn't try to hide his mistakes--he owns up to them and fixes them. So sweet, and I hope everything is solved (regarding that) now!

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    1. Absolutely. when he takes care of it.. he takes care of it.. And he is a good guy, all the way around.

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  4. I agree, your husband sounds wonderful. I'm glad he's fixing things.

    I am also holding the space for healing for christina and all involved.

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    1. I think he's pretty awesome too. That is for sure.. and oh... I continue to enjoy your books to the max!!!

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  5. I'm proud of you little girl. I'm going to miss our son like crazy. I'm going to miss you when I'm gone. I'm very proud of how you are handling everything.

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    1. I love you to the moon and back, My Heart.

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  6. Dana,
    I hope you all have a wonderful time tubing & just spending time together before The Man has to go. I am sorry you will have to do the send off for your son alone, but I will be sending lots of prayers of strength (and cosmic big girl panties) your way. My son is leaving for college next month and it is so very bitter sweet for me. I am so proud of and happy for the young man he has become-but I am mourning the loss of my sweet baby boy & although he will only be an hour away he will not be here for me to kiss good night & chat with about our days....but this is a step he has to take & one I am so excited and proud of him for, so it's a wonderfully confusing emotional roller coaster of feelings & so I can sympathize partially with what you are going through. I am sorry The Man made a mistake that hurt you but I am so glad he is the wonderful man he is & took responsibility for as well as fixed the issue. I am proud of you for thinking through your refusal to submit & changing your mind-I am also proud of The Man's response. I am also sorry you were hurt by the situation with Christina & I respect your response to it all-I feel sorry for all involved, trust is a very hard thing to rebuild once it has been broken.
    I will be thinking of you & sending you prayers!
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

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    1. Thanks Scarlet.. It's been quite the up/down here as well. It makes me feel better knowing I am in good company when you tell me your son is leaving as well. It's the not knowing, I can no longer protect him...

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  7. Your husband sounds like such a sweet guy, I'm sorry a mistake was made, but the fact that he fixed it, and took ownership of it is so great, must make you feel so loved and proud.
    Thank you for raising a wonderful son that has chosen to serve his country. I'm sure you're feeling a ton of emotion as he's getting ready to leave, the transformation you'll see what he graduates is pretty incredible. I wish him the best, sounds like he'll do just fine.
    Have a good time tubing, and I hope the time he's away flies by!

    jennelle

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    1. I am so very proud of him and I love him with my whole heart. He is a fine young man. I am thrilled that God allowed me to be his mom.

      Yes, The Man is simply exceptional. That is the bottom line. Thanks for the wishes. I am hoping that it doesn't as feel as long as I know it's going to.

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  8. Wow, you have a lot going on.

    I'll be keeping your son in my thoughts as he begins his new life. Congrats to you and your husband for raising such a wonderful human being. Obviously, your man is worthy of the love and trust you've given him. I applaud you both. Hope his time away goes by quickly.

    Hugs to all

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    1. Thanks Sunny. I am hoping that it doesn't feel as long as it does right now. the first few days are the worst..

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