Sunday, July 20, 2014

Come Wander down the Path with Me

I have read many posts where the writer was trying to process something and have to admit that I have learned many things and gained great incite into my own feelings and struggles through others.  I have appreciated those times and appreciated the openness and honesty with which it was done.

That being said, I don't promise great incite, and am probably looking for more answers that giving them. 

It took me a long time to "come out" so to speak, and it happened in levels.  As I have said before, I am the one that brought this lifestyle to our relationship, and The Man has grown by leaps and bounds as have I. 

For us, it started out as more of an erotic thing, and then I was slowly able to tell him that I needed the structure and safety of him being in charge, holding me accountable, etc. 

My hardest struggle was not having anyone to talk to about my inner struggles.  I am a strong woman and it felt, well strange, unhealthy (plug in whatever word fits for you) and as a woman who had been abused as a child and in her first marriage, I was frankly terrified that even after all the professional help I had received that I was permanently broken.  (It's nice to know I'm not btw)

Then, The Man being who he is, found blogland, Bonnie's My Bottom Smarts in particular, and I was so relieved, and then I found several others, and got to know some of the members here.  There was an environment of acceptance here.  It didn't matter if you were DD or BDSM, or TTWD or whatever alphabet or mixture.  It was so cool and refreshing, and I so needed it.  We are as June used to say, a little bit of everything, and that was okay...

Only, I have begun to notice in my reading a bit of a turning these days.  I can understand that you may not understand my enjoyment of spanking, my need for it, that it is in many facets of our life.  I get that.  I get that it may do nothing for you.  I get that it is only used in your relationship for corrective action so to speak, and if it works for you.  That is awesome.  I don't understand this very subtle, slight..  this vague feeling of disapproval.  This feeling that because there is enjoyment that "we" are not I don't want to say worthy, but not in the same "class" for lack of a better term.

In whatever facet, we all practice this lifestyle, the one thing we should have in common is acceptance.  I don't have to agree with everything in your lifestyle to accept.  As long as it's consensual, it's not damaging, then it is between you and your mate, or it should be.  I had my first experience of reading something here on blogland and feeling judged and it wasn't a pleasant feeling.

18 comments:

  1. Well said. Anyone that participates in some form of spanking, usually has some type of desire for this whether they recognize it as such. No need to judge one another but learning what works for one is helpful in most instances.

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    1. Thanks Annabelle, and you are right. You need to know what works for you.

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  2. Beautifully said Dana. I am so sorry you felt judged. I'm like you, when I found blogland, it was lovely to see all shapes and sizes of relationships were accepted and appreciated...now it seems as if more judgmental cliques are developing...so sad.

    BTW...IMO, you and the Man have a beautiful, healthy relationship that works for the two of you. That is an awesome example for blogland! :D

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks my friend. We have our struggles like everyone else. I just never thought I would be made to feel bad about who I am here..

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  3. I think the true beauty of TTWD is that it's individual to each couple. There isn't one particular way of doing it, just whatever way works for your particular relationship.

    Personally, I'm a "whatever floats your boat" kinda girl, provided that boat isn't being crammed down my throat. We all have to make our own choices. If someone doesn't approve, they don't have to look.

    I also enjoy the erotic spankings. We tried them out early in our relationship and found that we both enjoyed them. The DD part didn't come until later. Both serve a purpose.

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    1. HI!!! Nice name :) I always felt that way as well. I know it sounds silly, but it really hurt my feelings. I know it shouldn't, but it did.

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  4. That sucks to feel judged, I am sorry that happened. Feel free to add me to the non judgey list AKA the supportive list.
    Oh, I have found your blog to be helpful while on our journey to a better marriage
    Alice

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    1. I think that is the most awesome thing anyone has said to me lately. Thanks! It is my hope that I can be a support or help or give a laugh when needed.

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  5. I do believe that we may have read the same thing too. I didn't feel judged but I was upset by it. If the female in this particular relationship brought the idea of the DD dynamic to her husband I find it difficult to believe that she doesn't find it sexually stimulating. If she does those feelings are being ignored, in fact surpressed because she is being made to feel it should nt be stimulating. I don't understand how no matter how you are spanking discipline or erotic how a man wouldn't be aroused by his wifes bare bottom in position at his mercy. Anyways I believe this wife is probably having a lot of feelings that she isn't supposed to have according to her husband. I have asked my hoh to consider writing how he "feels" when both spanking for punishment and pleasure. If he does I will share. Either way in both situations I can assure you 99.9% he is aroused!

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    1. Let's try this again. I intentionally didn't give the name of what I read where so as to not tell tales out of school. I guess what I am trying to say is that if I can understand where "they" are coming from, why do they feel the need to point fingers...

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    2. Sorry, didn't mean to upset you. Feel free to delete comment if it is too telling. I'm not trying to "Judge" them either. Just feel like they are pushing that it shouldn't be sexual and for us it is.

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    3. Oh no, Lilly, I am so techno stupid. I left a VERY important word out of my first comment, and deleted it. It said that my comment was deleted, and I didn't want you to think you had something to upset me. Sorry. No, I totally agreed and was so appreciative that you didn't put it out there, cause I am really, really sure we read the same thing.. And I happen to agree with you.

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  6. I have always liked reading your story. I enjoy learning about the dynamics of other couples. And since it is so hard to label or explain my relationship with Ty, I don't expect anyone else. Keep writing and sharing. Your blog is yours to write about what ever you choose. As the spanking blog land gets bigger, one may find that there is those who may comment and compare. Laugh at that. We all should support each other and encourage them.

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    1. Thanks Blondie. Like I said, I shouldn't have let it get under my skin, but it did. This lifestyle is enough of a struggle without someone that is "in" it in some form or fashion passing judgment.

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  7. I remember when we first traveled down this road and you were very worried that we weren't doing things like others were. Eventually we found our own way and after trust and honesty that was most important. I can only imagine how damaging judgmental posts could have been for you. I have always hoped that beginners on this road would only find positive and helpful suggestions in all the blogs. Outside of true damage and abuse none of us has the right to judge what goes on in others relationships.

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    1. And that is why I love you like I do...

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  8. Hey Dana,
    I am a little behind in my reading, but I wanted to say I am so sorry to hear that you felt slighted-I enjoy the sexy fun kind too & although it took him awhile, now so does Clark. I have really struggled since discipline & punishment have been added to understand my different feelings about the different kinds of spanking but there IS a huge difference. If I am being spanked for fun I can take much more without becoming teary at all while for punishment or even maintenance I will cry quite a bit & and have a sad feeling for lack of a better way to discribe it-because I have let him down. It hurts me emotionally as well as being painful to my bottom physically, and I fear punishment (not my husband). Any kind of spanking hurts to a degree, but I have a very different response when it is for fun, and I finally feel that that is ok. There is nothing wrong with me, & nothing wrong with you!
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

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