Yeah... I just couldn't help myself and well, it's what's on my mind. I loved being spanked.
It is difficult sometimes for The Man. Sometimes I need a harder spanking than he likes to
give in order to get me where I need to go to release the STRESS that often plagues me.
Yet, he loves me, and is committed to giving me what I need. Not always what I want.
Sometimes what I want is to wallow, to hide, or I am so overwhelmed, I don't want to give over the control I am hanging onto in order to hold my emotions at bay. This leaves me a boiling cauldron of icky emotions that threaten to boil over at the most inconvenient times.
Therefore, The Man, he sees me for who and what I am, and loves me enough to take me to the place where I can let go. Is it pretty? Not all the time. Am I cooperative? Not all the time. Except when they are good girl spankings and for SEX. Yeah... then I am a most cooperative submissive little individual..
The act of sitting on an inflated old tractor or semi tire tube, not falling off, and floating lazily down the river, until you hit rapids and then hanging on for dear life and screaming your head off. GOD.. I love it. It's time for a trip down the river. I am hoping we have a way to get a trip in before The Man leaves again..
I must admit. I have wracked my brain, I have thought of thing from every angle, and I still don't understand what is in me that makes my family not able to love me and appreciate me. Oh they appreciate what I can do for them, my willingness to serve them, my willingness and desire to make life better for them. But me? Just fore the sake of being me? They just don't. My brother explained to me that he was too busy to fit into anyone else's plans and that he was spread so thin, he simply couldn't be expected to. My parents saw nothing wrong in canceling plans with me, actually expecting me to rearrange the plans that we had made together on father's day because my brother decided at the last minute that he would breeze through and see my dad. My brother couldn't be expected to come and be a part of our day, you know him being busy and all, so the expectation was that I would UNDERSTAND and change my plans. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last. I know that many will be quick to say that it's not me, it's them. However, in the face of my entire nuclear family being involved in the fiasco, I have a very difficult time believing that.
Actually, it was a Staycation. I took two days off while our sons were on choir tour. I had The Man all to myself. It has been simply amazing. The sex has been incredible and the snuggling? Oh man the snuggles have been simply amazing. We have laughed and giggled, and played. I came home from work one evening and promptly shot my entire family with a nerf gun. It was amazing. We have spent this entire week trying out new gluten free recipes. We have slept as late as we want to, and stayed up as late. We have visited friends, and we have done submissive exercises and I have been able to relax.