Saturday, April 12, 2014

I'm going In...

My BFF and I often say to one another when we are entering a daunting situation that is going to take significant skill and patience...  "I'm going in."  We have often laughed and said it sounds like a Military maneuver or that we have entered the dark world of spies.

 
 
 
 
It has been a rather busy month this month The Man has been gone.  I have managed to stay on the "Good Girl" side of this life..  (Oh please don't let me jinx myself as I have three days to go...)  It's always tough for me when he first gets home.  Especially on months like this one, when I have had to make lots of decisions, lots of chaos, and I have struggled not to shut him out completely.  I even asked him to give me daily tasks so that I can be mindful of his authority and leadership.
 
 
I miss my husband.  Communication has been hit or miss this time.  Let me tell you how badly that sucks.  Well it does.  I struggle with this vulnerability.  I don't want to lose me.  When did I become this woman who needs her husband?  I am not saying that I am not able to function.  I am.  I just don't like it.  I long for him.  I long for his arm over my hip as we settle into sleep.  I long for the last thing I hear before I drift off to sleep is, "I love you little Girl."  
 
I miss being over his knee.  (yeah, we are talking about Good Girl spankings here)  I miss the intimacy that it brings.  I miss the stress relief, and yeah.. I miss the "Hot monkey Sex" that comes with it.  I miss knowing that in our intimate relationship is the one place where I can completely let go and know that he is going to be there to catch me.  That I am loved, cherished, and well, he's yummy.
 
This weekend I am doing a reception for a close friend who is being ordained as  a Minister.  It's the first one I've done without my Aunt.  It makes me so sad.  As I got the table ready, pulled out decorations, all I could think of was her.  I even for the first time in a long time, called her phone so I could hear her voice.  I know grief is a process, but I wish it could move along a little?  Now, there is no one to call to bounce ideas off of, no one to send pictures to for approval.  No one to laugh with and giggle.  I miss her.
 
 
The weight front is going very well.  I love it.  I am trying to take care of myself, so that The Man doesn't have to spank me in a way I do NOT want.  I have been visiting the tanning bed (sun coffin according to my Aunt.)  And.. the good news is... The Man comes home on Wednesday...
 
 


7 comments:

  1. Hang in there Dana...I know you miss your aunt, especially when you are doing things you used to do together...just think how proud she is of your work and choices as she watches over your shoulder. If you need to vent or get a bit mouthy, call me NOT the Man! You are doing great on all fronts and have earned lots of GG spankings. :-)

    Hugs and blessings...
    Cat

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    1. I am working hard at it my friend. And I may need to call ya... You are a true friend. Thanks!

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  2. Great job staying good-especially with all that's been going on! I am sure you can continue your good streak until The Man gets home! It's also totally understandable that the transition after a month of separation is difficult, you're only human & The Man knows that & he will ease you back in gently but firmly I am sure-hang in there!
    Love,
    Scarlet ; )

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    1. it is tough Scarlet. Even though I am so happy to see him, I have to fight blurting out things, like "YOU aren't the boss of me."

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  3. Good job on being a good girl! Lol. I know what it's like to miss the hubby, especially when you miss that snuggling as you fall asleep. You, sweet thing, have to miss him for such long stretches it breaks my heart for you- yet just shows your strength. So glad he's home soon!!

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    1. We are down to the wire. Feeling pretty darn good about life right about now..

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  4. It's very normal to think about and miss your Aunt. I'm sure she's watching you, thinking you're doing a great job! :) Good for you for keeping up with things and all that even when he is gone, I bet that can get tough! And yayy I'm so happy he comes home soon!! :)

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