It has been a rather busy month this month The Man has been gone. I have managed to stay on the "Good Girl" side of this life.. (Oh please don't let me jinx myself as I have three days to go...) It's always tough for me when he first gets home. Especially on months like this one, when I have had to make lots of decisions, lots of chaos, and I have struggled not to shut him out completely. I even asked him to give me daily tasks so that I can be mindful of his authority and leadership.
I miss my husband. Communication has been hit or miss this time. Let me tell you how badly that sucks. Well it does. I struggle with this vulnerability. I don't want to lose me. When did I become this woman who needs her husband? I am not saying that I am not able to function. I am. I just don't like it. I long for him. I long for his arm over my hip as we settle into sleep. I long for the last thing I hear before I drift off to sleep is, "I love you little Girl."
I miss being over his knee. (yeah, we are talking about Good Girl spankings here) I miss the intimacy that it brings. I miss the stress relief, and yeah.. I miss the "Hot monkey Sex" that comes with it. I miss knowing that in our intimate relationship is the one place where I can completely let go and know that he is going to be there to catch me. That I am loved, cherished, and well, he's yummy.
This weekend I am doing a reception for a close friend who is being ordained as a Minister. It's the first one I've done without my Aunt. It makes me so sad. As I got the table ready, pulled out decorations, all I could think of was her. I even for the first time in a long time, called her phone so I could hear her voice. I know grief is a process, but I wish it could move along a little? Now, there is no one to call to bounce ideas off of, no one to send pictures to for approval. No one to laugh with and giggle. I miss her.
The weight front is going very well. I love it. I am trying to take care of myself, so that The Man doesn't have to spank me in a way I do NOT want. I have been visiting the tanning bed (sun coffin according to my Aunt.) And.. the good news is... The Man comes home on Wednesday...