During the day, I am busy. I have responsibilities. I am working, doing the things that the people who depend on me need to do to stand for them. The ache is still there, but dull and somewhat in the background as I move through my day. I always try to conduct myself in a way that would make him proud and within the rules we have set to help me and us.
In the evening, I am doing for the children, working out, getting ready for the next day. Cooking, cleaning, doing the things that keep our home a home, a sanctuary for our family.
And then, there is nothing else to do, there are no dragons to slay, no chores to be done. The children have gone to bed, and the darkness has fallen. This is when I miss The Man the most. I don't think unless you live this kind of life, it's easy to understand the importance of the little things, that aren't so little when you don't have them. Feeling your mate snuggled behind you as you drift off to sleep, knowing that even in sleep he is there to protect you even from the nightmares that come in the dead of night.
Being able to sent a text or call on the phone to share something funny, or frustrating, or sad. Not being able to say, "Wait till your Dad gets home, and he can deal with this." Cause well a month is a long time to wait. Hearing him say in the morning, "You look great." Or, "I know you are going to knock 'em dead in court today." Or that softly whispered, "Be careful where you are headed with that attitude Little Girl." Even as much as we joke, I miss "The Look."
Yet, with all of this, it's our life. This is the job that allows The Man to provide for his family. My family, Our family with all the ins and outs of life. This is a place that he thrives, excels and gives him the respect in his job that all men thrive upon. He succeeds here. He loves it. He enjoys confidence, admiration, is well thought of and has built an outstanding reputation through integrity, hard work and character.
Everyone he works with, knows he is a family man, a faithful man, and the head of his home. I am proud of that. I am proud of him. He needs his job as much as I need mine. I would no more ask him to give up his as I would want to give up mine. It's just tougher to remember all that.. In the middle of the night when I am wearing his tshirt because it smell like him.