Wednesday, March 19, 2014

It's the Nights that are the Worst

During the day, I am busy.  I have responsibilities.  I am working, doing the things that the people who depend on me need to do to stand for them.  The ache is still there, but dull and somewhat in the background as I move through my day.  I always try to conduct myself in a way that would make him proud and within the rules we have set to help me and us.

In the evening, I am doing for the children, working out, getting ready for the next day.  Cooking, cleaning, doing the things that keep our home a home, a sanctuary for our family.

And then, there is nothing else to do, there are no dragons to slay, no chores to be done.  The children have gone to bed, and the darkness has fallen.  This is when I miss The Man the most.  I don't think unless you live this kind of life, it's easy to understand the importance of the little things, that aren't so little when you don't have them.  Feeling your mate snuggled behind you as you drift off to sleep, knowing that even in sleep he is there to protect you even from the nightmares that come in the dead of night.

Being able to sent a text or call on the phone to share something funny, or frustrating, or sad.  Not being able to say, "Wait till your Dad gets home, and he can deal with this."  Cause well a month is a long time to wait.  Hearing him say in the morning, "You look great."  Or, "I know you are going to knock 'em dead in court today."  Or that softly whispered, "Be careful where you are headed with that attitude Little Girl."  Even as much as we  joke, I miss "The Look."

Yet, with all of this, it's our life.  This is the job that allows The Man to provide for his family.  My family, Our family with all the ins and outs of life.  This is a place that he thrives, excels and gives him the respect in his job that all men thrive upon.  He succeeds here.  He loves it.  He enjoys confidence, admiration, is well thought of and has built an outstanding reputation through integrity, hard work and character. 

Everyone he works with, knows he is a family man, a faithful man, and the head of his home.  I am proud of that.  I am proud of him.  He needs his job as much as I need mine.  I would no more ask him to give up his as I would want to give up mine.  It's just tougher to remember all that..  In the middle of the night when I am wearing his tshirt because it smell like him. 

12 comments:

  1. I so understand, and I'm sorry he's away for so long. I'm sitting here alone tonight too, and while my H travels pretty frequently, it's not for a month. I do remember all our deployment years though, and how hard that was. The only good thing I can say about being separated for long periods of time is that you never take for granted the nights you are together. I love how you spoke of his integrity and work ethic, and how proud you are of him. It's so sweet!!

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    1. He was military too, but that was before we were together. We were just friends and I missed him then. It's a lot like being a military wife. He is gone six months out of the year. Home a month, gone a month. Yes, I am so very proud of him.

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  2. I find myself staying up incredibly late when my husband is gone, to fall into bed as exhausted as possible so that I can go to sleep and not feel him not there. It's hard.

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    1. I used to do that the whole time he was gone. It's so important that I sleep. After the first couple of days, He wants me in bed be 11. It is hard, but I am so proud of him.

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  3. I give you both a lot of credit, I have a hard time if my husband is gone for a day so I cannot imagine getting through a whole month! I am sorry you are aching for him but I am also glad to hear you talking about The Man the way you do, it's so heartwarming to hear the admiration & respect you have for him-it's obvious from what you write about him, that he is a wonderful man/husband/father/HoH but it also shows how wonderful YOU are as well as his wife/helpmate/mother to his children....
    Sending you prayers of comfort & peace,
    Scarlet ; )

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    1. Thanks Scarlet. I love him like crazy. That is for sure. I strive to be a wife he would be proud of.

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  4. dana, i'm so sorry. i can't imagine nights without your partner being in bed next to you, because there's so much that happens in those hours of quiet... things not even spoken, but just knowing he's there. wow. frankly, that's a lot for any girl to deal with, and then add family and job and LIFE on top of it. my hat is off to you, but more than that, my heart aches for you. i hope this next month goes by REALLY fast and you both! many hugs and warm wishes, m.

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  5. Hey Dana...I know it is rough for you while the Man is gone but I also know he is so proud of you. You also know that even though we can't replace him, your friends are here if you need us.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat. It's all the difference that you guys get it.

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  6. Reading this bought tears to my eyes Dana, my HoH has just applied for a job working away, It seems all the men in my family work away but I didn't think Izak ever would. I am just waiting for the loneliness I feel already to grow. You have my deepest sympathies and I hope he is home soon.

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    1. You learn to deal. I do miss him. But this is what is needed to provide for his family and he loves his job. It's tough but you guys will figure out how to deal.

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