The Man is home and that is an awesome thing. The Man came home sick and that is not an awesome thing. I hate when he isn't feeling well and I can't do anything but wait it out with him.
He was kind and got the punishment out of the way... How I hate that little brown paddle... London Tanners can keep their toys...
I am struggling and I don't know why. We are not fighting. Things are on an even ground. I noticed it after a good girl spanking. I don't know if I wasn't in a place to accept it well, or that I was so in need of it, that I got overwhelmed or what. I just know that it seemed to be all pain and no gain. Now for those of you who are spankno's, I bet you are going... "Well DUH... that is as it should be." However, I am a spanko. I love good girl spankings.. I enjoy them, long for them. Punishment is another animal to me and I don' t like those at all.
I feel, disconnected. I feel numb. I feel closed in on myself and I don't know how to explain it. I even told The Man last night that I don't feel like he likes me very much. Now, I know these are just my feelings, and nothing he has done. I feel sad. A deep in my heart sadness, that is too much for tears. Does that make sense? I am just muddling through, trying to process this. I am hoping that in writing it down, I can gain some insight.
I feel withered inside.. That I am parched for a drink, but don't know what to ask for. I don't want to ruin the time I have with The Man. I want to put on a happy face, and not be all down and sad. This is truly not my nature. I know he is searching for answers because he asked me if I had written on my blog. He often reads here to gain insight.
I hate that this sounds like a whining session. I just needed to get some things out there and see if they make anymore sense than they do right now.