Have you ever had a time where your thoughts go round and round. What your mind knows, what experience knows wars with what your heart feels? It is a very uncomfortable thing. It truly is.
The Man made a statement today that was very hurtful to me. I wanted to defend myself and I did. Now, he is very tired, not sleeping well, and there is a good bit of personal drama(not us, but touching us) and we are apart. He apologized, said he was tired, but then brought up something else.
The conversation made me feel like he feels I don't take care of the things he has provided for me. I'm not a needy person. I love the gifts he has given me and the home he has provided, and well I'm hurt. There are many things I wanted to say. Many things I want to bring to bear, but they are not productive and I feel would be hurtful, so I didn't.
Am I the only one that feels so not vindicated, or that there is a BIG but to this statement, "You take better care of my stuff than I do... most of the time." I feel damned by faint praise.
It was over something that was intended as a birthday present. Something I have wanted for a long time, and now, I don't want it. I'm getting it, and feel like the joy has been taken right out of it.
I know this man loves me very much, he is human like me, this is not a normal thing. It doesn't change that I am hurt. I am in a quandary for what to do to make it better. He made it pretty clear it was a closed subject. I did however, ask that we not call it a birthday present. Since he made mention of the fact that it was very pricey, I offered to simply return it.
I just really don't know what to do.