After my last post, The Man sent me an email to help me put one foot in front of the other. So, I've been at it about a week now. So, imagine my surprise to find a message from him requesting that I update my Blog and let folks know how I am doing. His last statement was He couldn't have my friends in Blogland worrying about me. That being said, I thought I would put his email here, and how things are working out with it.
I know you are struggling. I am writing this in order to help you manage until I come home.
I want you to know that I love you so very much, and I am sorry that I cannot be there for you. Until I can be, I am giving you this list to help. I expect you to give it your very best effort, I also want you to know that you may discuss it with me any time if you feel it isn't what you need. This is not meant to be an ultimatum or written in stone. It is not meant to make your life harder.
-First, you are to exercise at least 4 times a week. If Dr. B does not clear you for Zumba and Synergy, then use you DVD's, or use the Gym's treadmills etc. Go for a walk if the weather permits.
(I made three times this week.)
-Second, you are to go to the health food store TODAY and get some ST. John's Wort, by itself, or in a uplift sort of formula. Also, consider finding a place to tan. I know you've had trouble with a few places. If there is one suitable, join. If a vitamin D supplement will help, get one.
(I did this that same day. It is helping a lot.)
3. You function best when the house is clean. Tell K you need her help between now and Christmas and ask her to assist you in taking up the slack while the boys are busy with their various activities, which will probably only increase between now and Christmas. I will leave it up to you whether she is paid and how much. If you would rather, I will ask her.
(I haven't done this yet, my house is okay for the moment, but I know I am to do this if it gets to be too much)
4. Make every effort to attend church on Sunday morning your soul needs feeding. You also need time to mourn, I would encourage you to take time Wednesday evenings and Sunday evenings when you can be alone. I know mourning is not something you usually plan, but if you do not make some "down" time, it will only eat you up. Make Wednesday evening and Sunday evening planned downtime. (I am trying to do this and I will attend church tomorrow. Grief comes at the most unexpected moments.)
5. Do not worry about M and my parents. I am not changing my position. I have made it clear and will continue to make it clear, that he cannot come here. When/if he comes to North Carolina to visit his fiance's family, I will go to see him. It will be uncomfortable, I may have to have some rough conversations with in-laws. I will handle it though, and keep it away from our house as much as possible. It is not on you to bear this. If anything comes to you, defer it to me and be done with it. There are thousands of "what if's" in this situation. Please do not to dwell on them. Also know I have gone through many of them in my mind and have tried to prepare myself as best as possible. None of this needs to fall on your shoulders. None of it is urgent. (I just needed to be reassured that he has this and that I don't need to worry about it.)
6. There is nothing we can do about your Mom's condition except be supportive and encouraging. I know you will make yourself available to you parents as much as needed. I know it is going to be stressful. Would it be possible (and a good idea) to have her hospitalized while they are changing her medicine? I want to help you with this stress, but I am out of my league, as I have been every other time. If there is anything I can do, please let me know. You can call or text any time. Even if you think I am asleep. If I am near wifi, I will get it and see what I can do. Even if it is just a few minutes of hearing my voice. (Called the psychiatrist and expressed my concerns, he intervened and convinced her to go back on her medication and not change.)
7. Invite B and C over next weekend or the weekend after. Keep the fare simple. Visit and remember Aunt G. Use our house for the fellowship you dreamed of when you purchased it.( We have been in contact, everyone has been sick. I did however go out with my daughter and some friends for a girls night and spent some time talking about my Aunt)
8. The last thing I have for you is about Christmas. Its not so much an instruction as an idea for you to think on. How about sitting the boys, K and C down and telling them how you feel, and what you are struggling with. I can be there on the computer, using our laptops cameras. Also acknowledge it may be M2's last Christmas at home for a while and we want it to be a good one, money is tighter than we're used to, but everyone will certainly have something nice, and Dad is trying real hard to make sure that the xbox will be here on time. No promises. Mom is exhausted, Meme may or may not be in good shape. Let's all agree to combine gifts and perhaps offer gifts of service. And lets everyone either agree to pick up some of the work, or agree to simplify some of our traditions...
(Last night was the first time I have felt like doing anything for Christmas. I am coming out of it.)
I love you little girl. I hope this helps.
You text any time you need me. I'm telling, not asking. I will try my best to be in places I can respond.
The fact that he read my blog and took the time to think things through, that he knows me as well as he does, that he wanted to help me, and it wasn't things there is no way I could do, made me feel so loved. He wasn't kidding, he has seen to it, that I can text him at any time. It humbles me.
Am I still grieving? Yes, but the things he has given to me, has helped put some structure back. I hated having to admit that I was floundering and didn't even know where to start, but there you have it.