Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Little Lost..

I am a little lost.  I have spent my life working in the mental health field.  Clinically, I know what is going on.  Isn't that awesome?  I will tell you it does little to alleviate it at all.

I am a go getter.  I am a worker bee.  I don't let things get me down.  I am a fighter.  Just not right now.  The holidays are approaching, and I just can't want to.  I just can't seem to want to get out of bed.  It seems to be the hardest thing to do.  I don't want to cook, clean my house, go to work, work out, be human.  I want to cover my head with the covers and hope for a better time.

I know what the issues are....  The first year of my Grandmother's death is approaching (Christmas Day), my aunt whom I loved so very much just passed, my son is graduating from high school and will be leaving my home this summer, there are significant issues with The Man's oldest son and his parents, my mother's medication for bipolar is going to have to be changed,  and I can't seem to find it to get up and go. 

I am floundering.  this is not a good feeling for me.  I am spinning and my little world is spinning right along with me. I don't even know what to ask of The man.  He is gone, he is working, so it's up to me.  I want to ask him to help me through this muddle.  To help me get back on track.  To do something, anything to stop this whirlwind I find myself in. 

12 comments:

  1. Aww Dana...I am so sorry you are going through all this. I do understand...been there/done that. I wish I had some wonderful fix for you but I don't. I can only tell you what sorta worked for me...making a list of everything I needed to do, in order of importance, and committing to doing at least one task per day. You might ask the Man to help you with something like that.

    Sending lots of prayers and healing energy your way. Am right here if there is anything I can do for you.

    Hugs and Blessings...
    Cat

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    1. Thanks Cat, I just feel so lost, numb.

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  2. I think working in a field can make it a lot harder to get help in that field. Knowledge doesn't always make changes for us, does it? I'm sure you know it, too.

    It's okay to feel overwhelmed and tired and not really with it. Can you give yourself permission to cut back on anything? Or can you make a commitment with yourself to spend some mental health time each day or week or whatever? Maybe it will be 15 minutes of blogging a day when you allow yourself to be honest, or a walk, or a hot bubble bath.

    People might have all kinds of ideas of what you should do, but they don't have your life. No one will die if you don't vacuum or dust for a while. Clothes should be clean but don't have to be folded and put away, necessarily.

    Maybe if you stop trying to force yourself to get up and go, but instead allow yourself to lie down and experience your emotions, you'll find the strength to take another step.

    Hugs.

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    1. Thanks Anastasia. I know what you say is true and I am considering asking The Man to help me organize. I just have no desire to do anything but sleep.

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  3. ((hugs)) Dana. So sorry you are struggling right now. The holidays are a stressful
    time indeed and if your husband is working a lot you probably miss him and his strength. Do tell him you need his help. <3

    Many prayers
    sara

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    1. I do Sara. I want to be brave, and have it all together and make sure he knows I have it all under control and he doesn't have to worry while he is gone. It's just not working out very well for me.

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  4. Dana, I'm so sorry you're going through this time right now. Try and do what needs to be done, and don't stress over the other things. Have some you time, don't feel bad about just doing nothing and letting yourself feel what you feel. I say ask your Man for some help, explain that you're just not feeling like you lately.

    I hope you get through this soon, sending hugs your way!

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    1. Thanks Kenzie. I am trying. I am embarrassed that I am this far gone. I want to be the have it all together girl ya know? And well I don't.

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  5. I was labeled a severe case of postpartum accompanied by grief once in the depression field, I totally get wanting nothing to do but sleep and never leave your bed. {{{HUGS}}} Life just becomes too overwhelming at times, and we can't do everything. Try not to focus on everything at once. For now, only let yourself focus on one thing, and if you can do anything to help it along, work on that. You can't do everything right now, it will be too much. If you can, I'd even ask The Man to make sure you're doing at least one thing a day. Even if it's small. Taking a ten minute walk, making a meal, replying to five emails. Something that makes you get out of your bedroom for a few minutes. I know that isn't easy, but it will help. And even though it didn't make much difference at first, being told to remember what I was thankful for, and not focus on what was going wrong, really did help. At first my responses were fake, but after time, I really could start to be thankful for little things and grow from that. If you ever need to talk, I don't have a lot of answers, but I do know what depression feels like, and if I can help at all, I'm here.

    {{{HUGS}}} EsMay

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    1. Esmay, thank you so much. I am struggling. Tomorrow is the day I must get up and begin life. I must go to work, and begin Christmas, and go back to working out. I will find comfort in routine.

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  6. Hey Dana,
    I can totally relate with you - this was me a couple of years ago, and it didn't make sense to me at all. But a visit to my doctor helped. I was anemic, and I also had SAD (which seems a bit lame for someone living in So Cal) but I was put on an iron supplement, and started a medication for the SAD. My husband and I were so surprised at how quickly I was 'back to my normal self'. I'm not diagnosing you, but just encouraging you to maybe see your doctor just to see. Other than that, remember you've got friends around to listen and encourage you when you need it. (But I totally remember those days when I could barely get myself out of bed, and then feeling bad that I couldn't get myself out of bed - and round and round it went.)
    big hugs,
    Cali

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  7. Dana,

    As a mental health client, all of the suggestions that have already been given are good ones. The only one that I can think to add is to make sure that you are out in the sun for 10-15 every day. Absorbing the Vitamin D from the sun will help. It's not a quick fix, but it will help. The only other suggestion I have is to be sure and take care of yourself. It's okay to put yourself first occasionally and to think of yourself first. I know that for me, that's a hard thing to do, but something that I have to do when my bipolar starts to express itself.

    Elizabeth

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