Thursday, October 31, 2013


Today, out of the blue, I received a package from Christina.  You have no idea how much it meant to me.  It has been a real struggle on the home front, the work front..  yeah you get the idea.

Anywho...  It was WONDERFUL.  I was feeling down, low, and has anyone very read the book,

Alexander's terrible horrible no good very bad day?  Yeah..  Me and Alex.. we have been buds..

So, upon arriving home (did I mention I did the tightrope dance of NOT hanging up on The Man?)  There was this box, this lovely box.. and it had my name on it, just mine.  I opened it, and there was a note inside from C.  It is so humbling to me that with all she has going on, that she took the time to do something so special for me.  The Man is right.  The people I have "met" here are just awesome.
So C.... This is for you...

Tuesday, October 29, 2013


One of my earliest memories is of you carrying me, and telling my other cousin, that no, she couldn't carry me because you liked to.  You have carried me through many stages of my life.

The first wedding I remember was yours.  It was a rainbow wedding, with swiss dot material.  No one had ever looked more beautiful.  I couldn't wait till summer so I could come and stay at your house. Well, actually I made the rounds, Grandpa's house, your house, and my other aunts.  I remember the summer I stayed with you so you could make my school clothes.    It was magical.  We laughed and giggled, and you made all my favorite foods.

Then you had your first baby, and I carried her on my hip like you did me.  I was so proud that you let me carry her.  And then your son.  Oh man he was a buster..

As I grew into young adulthood, we became friends.  I could talk to you, laugh with you.  Your laughter could be heard throughout any house you were in.  You are the joy of our family.  You are loved.  You have been the laughter, and the jokes and the giggles.

You have been my sister/Aunt/Mother.  You have listened to me as I have cried bitterly over my mothers broken mind.  You have interceded on her behalf while understanding my feelings.  When I came home from a failed marriage, broken and bleeding inside, you loved me.  You listened to me, you never judged and you helped me to heal.

You have celebrated every event of my children, both of my body and my heart.  How many baby showers, wedding shower, wedding receptions, birthday parties have we worked to pull off.  You are an artist with food.  No caterer could ever outdo you.  We have made a great team of you doing the food and me doing the decorations.  I cherish your crystal and think of you every time I pull it out.

How my heart cries for you to stay..  I have watched you fight this nasty ugly thing called cancer for 6 years now.  You are the most courageous, brave, strong woman I've ever known.  How my Daddy and Mom love you.  You are like their child.  We are like sisters.  Now, I must once again follow your example and be strong enough to let you go.  You are like my sister, you are my Aunt, but most of all, you are my friend, and I know the time is drawing near.  I wish you more.. I wish you peace and dignity, and to know that you are so loved.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

NO Yellow Cake

Just to give a bit of history...  At my folks 50th wedding anniversary, my brother and his wife took care of the cake.  Well, the bakery did a bright, I mean BRIGHT yellow sheet cake. 

We are discussing giving my parents house a bit of a makeover for Christmas and my brother is coming up with reasons not to.  Hence forth, the conversation. 

The Man:

blah, blah, blah... The Man spanked me 4 times a week and we still found time decorate, repair the house and cook.
  • Me

    with NO yellow cake
  • The Man
    No yellow cake? WTF
  • Me:
    NO yellow cake
    And I don't want to hear anymore about it, Big Bird
  • The Man:
    I'll ask our daughter in law for one. She'll take care of it.
  • Me:
    No spanking for like EVER if I see a yellow cake
  • The Man:
    Sadly, that's not your call... Bwa ha ha...
  • Me:
    It is if I withdraw consent
  • The Man
    That's a low blow.
  • Me:
    Just want to level the playing field over a bright ass yellow, big bird wanna be cake
  • The Man
    I just wanna spank your ass. Is that so wrong?
  • Me
    Then NO yellow cake
  • This is not hard
  • The Man
    other things are. Especially when I think of you :)
  • Me:
    Do NOT attempt to confuse me... NO yellow cake.. Say it...
    Say it Loud
    Say is Proud
  • The Man
    I'm going to spank you.

  • Me:
    NOT if I see a yellow cake
  • The Man
    What if I seduce you, tie you up, then produce the yellow cake...
    Bwa ha ha

  • Me
    then tied up, and seduced, I am going to withdraw consent
  • The Man
    Hmmm. that is so uncool...
  • Me
    And why is a Yellow Cake so important to you?
  • The Man
    because I was told I can't have it.
  • Me
    I get spanked for that kind of attitude.
    You are setting a poor example.
  • The Man
    Yeah, do as i say, not as I do
    Sadly, I need to run off and look at stuff. I'll talk to you later.

  • And this is one of the reasons why I love him so..  He makes me laugh...and we can play..

    Saturday, October 26, 2013

    Come Celebrate with Me!!!!

    Oh have I got something to share...  It's exciting, it's awesome, it's amazing!!!!  Wanna guess what it is?

    No, it's not a get out of a spanking card
    No, it's not a new car.  I got that for Christmas..
    OH WAIT... CHRISTMAS!!!  That is the announcement.
    This year, The Man will be home for Christmas, as will all of my children.  For the first time in 9 years, our entire family will be in on place for Christmas!!!  I am one happy mama.

    Saturday, October 19, 2013

    Hello.... is anybody out there?

    Yeah... Yeah.. I know it's me that has been gone.  I have been hunkered down the last two weeks cause well I don't know how it happened, but I  am pretty sure this is me....

    Now a good woman can only take so much..  The Man is not here.  The Man isn't gonna BE here till November the 5th.  In case you missed it, that is a long time, seeing as he left the second of October.  He is going to be gone 5 and a half weeks this time.  I was bumping along just fine till Friday.  I mean  considering the amount of just plain upheaval running around here.
    The Man is stateside, so he has a bit more time to "think" about anything and everything.  After about the third question that I couldn't answer, or didn't have the answer to, or hadn't found the answer to, I felt something like this...
    And I might have been just a teensy, little, tiny bit grumpy...  ALRIGHT... Geesh... a girl can't even lie in Blogland... So.. I was just right aggravated...  as a matter of fact, the text conversation went like this....
    Me:  I am not sure I like that you have enough downtime to think about stuff
    The Man:  It's a beeotch...
    Me:  For ME yes it is.  It feels like somebody else needing something from me I can't give.
    The Man:  Then say no.  I think there are answers though.  I guess I should quit worrying about it.
    Me:  Would you rather me not tell you.... Unless I know for sure.  (Okay so it was a cheap shot.)
    The Man:  Of course not.
    I did my best to remain  under the radar..  So I was at my folks house, it was Daddy's Bday..  and The Man and I were texting.. I don't know what came over me....
    Me:  Daddy is on a rant...
    The Man:  About?
    Me:  You
    The Man:  Ranting about me?  What did I do?
    Me:  You know what you did.
    The Man:  I really don't. Or at least I don't remember.
    Me:  It will blow over.
    The Man:  Honestly, what did I do?
    Me:  GOTCHA.  Hehehe...
    Read here, very ,very, very long pause...
    The Man:  Not funny little girl.  You know I love your dad.
    I stand behind my statement.  It WAS funny..
    It has been a little difficult but I am doing okay.  To those of you who have checked on me, thanks guys...

    Sunday, October 6, 2013

    What Are You Hiding From Me?

    What are you hiding from me?  They look like very simple words don't they?  Not anything to cause your heart to flutter and your bottom to clinch...  Well, unless you are living the life we are living and walking the walk... 

    What are you hiding...  I have come to you with the sorrow in my heart that my Aunt who is like my sister is in her last days.  The sorrow of her not knowing who I am.  The joy when she comes back to us in snatches, and the sadness to see in her eyes that she knows she is at the end.  The promise I made in my heart to be there for her daughter as she has been there for me.

    What are you hiding...I have come to you about work, and the zoo, and the betrayal I feel.  The feeling that I have poured my heart and soul into people who could care less and that I am just an employee was heart breaking, and sent my blood pressure to stroke level, but I told you.  I took care of myself, and I was honest with you. 

    What are you hiding...  I have hinted at the struggles I am having as I look down the short future and realize that soon, all our children will be gone.  What will I do then?  I have been a Mommy since I was 23.  I am now 46.  The future looks very lonely.

    What are you hiding...  I have stopped and started conversations about how the dynamics in our relationship continue to change and I am so comforted that you never seem shocked or look at me like I've grown 3 heads..

    What are you hiding...  I have been honest about my fears and my feelings that  you are going to visit your parents.  It always causes such stress between us.  It is difficult for me that my husband is someplace that I am not welcome to be.

    What are you hiding...  Life is changing and it seems like it is changing quickly.  People that I love fiercely are getting older, more frail, are passing away.  I am getting older.  I don't feel old, but I do feel lost.  I am at a "what now" place in my life.  I am discouraged with my lack of ability to get the last bit of weight I want off. 

    I am concerned that I can't seem to handle the extreme levels of stress that I used to be able to.  My body simply can't take it.  I am better today, but I can no longer just go and go and go without consequence.  It's a bitch getting older...  I don't want to talk about it.  This one time, my job is part of the problem.  I am not ready to quit just yet.  I don't feel released to leave, but I do want to be able to in the right way, so that means getting caught up. 

    I just can't handle ultimatums, disappointment, or strife between us.  Yes, the stars have aligned and several things have piled up at one time, and well I'm not handling it as well as I would like and I don't want to feel like a failure to my husband.