There are times when I don't feel like I have anything to write about, or that I don't want seem a whiner. This is not the case right now. I feel like I have so much to say, to process that I could write a book.
First of all. I don't know about the rest of you. I don't know if you have ever had this experience/ aha moment, epiphany, light bulb moment.. you get the idea. The Man is honorable, trustworthy, funny, and so many things. However, the other day I had this revelation. He is a man that I can admire, not just respect and love but admire. Especially in one major area that is a very weak one in me. His ability to remain calm and not throw a fit when emotions are high or he is angry or something is extremely aggravating. You get the idea. This is a man who I can follow. I so admire that quality in him, and am growing to understand how much I need that quality and how much that quality filters to me and how he deals with me.
Things like when going on a trip is change for me. Even when it's a good change and I want to go and am excited. I get anxious and stressed and well, for example, last time we went away, I threw the kindle and came close to throwing the computer, and was so frazzled. Instead of spanking me, (okay so I rode so close to the line that my bottom cheeks were clinched in preparation) he took my face in his hands and spoke calmly and finally came to stand beside me, to remind me he was right there, and that IF I threw the computer it was not going to go well.
Or understanding that I needed to spend time with my Aunt whose life is drawing to a close, even if it is your last day home and holding me in an attempt to absorb some of the pain in the face of losing a woman I love like a sister.
Your ability to be respectful even when you are livid is so admirable. When things go wrong, and don't go your way, you still are able to be respectful to others while getting your point across. Yeah, I suck at this, and I know it. I just want you to know that your example has helped me to improve in this area so very much.
The fact that for the first time, I considered sharing our lifestyle with a friend who is hurting in their relationship, and I really think that Dd may help them. The fact that you know me so, so very well, that you answered my questions and concerns before I voiced them, giving me permission to share, and understanding my need for privacy. Your calm assurance that we have nothing to be ashamed of, and being so proud of our progress just thrilled me.
And finally, I admire the fact that you have never, ever spanked me in anger. Not one time, not ever. You don't yell at me, and you calmly and with assurance meet this need in me. You love me enough to step outside of your own comfort zone and spank me to the level of intensity that I need to release this caldron of emotions that are swirling under the surface.
Yeah, life is pretty exciting round here right now.. Kinda like getting on the Merry go Round only to find out that the playground bully has cranked up the speed and all you can do is hang on and hope that he gets tired....