Monday, August 5, 2013

What to Do? What to Do?

You were not perfect parents, and neither am I.  Yet, you are my folks and I love you.  As you are entering your later years and you need more help, sometimes I am at a loss.

I am at a loss of how to help you mom not spin into another bipolar cycle where you lose more and more pieces of yourself.

It pains me that the only way I can protect you from yourself is to no longer keep your secrets.  It shames me that I can't allow myself to trust you anymore when I suspect you are beginning to spin and I have to check up on you.

I am at a loss Daddy.  I am at a loss of how to help you and save your pride.  I know that your pride is all you have left.  I know your mind is slipping.  I know your health is sliding.  I know you are terrified and sad. 

I made a promise and I meant it then and I mean it now.  I will do everything in my power to take care of you, to protect you and if that means protecting you from my brother then so be it.

I understand that they are "our" parents.  Well, I understand they birthed you.  Where have you been?  You checked out.  Even when you came back home, to live closer, you have checked out.  What right do you have to speak harshly to my folks?  What right do you have to disrespect them or act like they are a burden?  They are not YOUR burden.  You are not here.  You can't even manage to visit your parents.

You are the golden child to my Mom.  ACT like it.  I will honor their wishes and have your name on paperwork that it has taken me years to get them to agree it is time to sign.  However, do not be fooled, I will not allow you to do things against their wishes.  Shame on you.  Shame on you that you have become a bully who is ashamed of where you came from.  They have such pride in you and I will do whatever I can to keep them from realizing what an empty, shallow man you have become.

I know, it's not a pretty post.  It's not a pleasant post.  I know it's ranting.  I can not share this with anyone outside of The Man.  I will not cause family friction.  It has boiled and stewed to the place that if I don't spew some of this out, I'm going to end up with a spanking and not a pleasant GG spanking.  Thanks for listening.  I would like to say that I am angry, but in truth.. I am simply heart broken and disillusioned that someone I thought of a my hero doesn't even have feet of clay.

10 comments:

  1. I hope the rant helped you! Families give us all fits including mine. I hope that all made you feel better.
    Meredith

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    1. At the very least, it has kept me from a very red bottom and not the fun kind... Thanks for your kindness

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  2. Sweetie...it's your blog to use as you need...rant and vent if it helps...we are here. I do understand the golden child checks out syndrome...and mom still makes excuses even when she sees the bad behavior. Been there done that. :( Am here if you need to vent anytime.

    Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. I know right? what is up with that? She wants his name on all the paperwork and I want to say... You DO realize that golden boy wants to put you in a home right?

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  3. Thank goodness we have a special little place like this to let things out when we need to, right? ((hugs)) to you Dana!

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    1. You betcha Tess.. and I managed to escape a punishment spanking... Life is good.

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  4. Oh, Dana, I am so glad you shared with us. That is what is great about being here, we can share what we can't let the rest of the world know about. I am so sorry you have been so hurt. Let The Man comfort you, and we're all here for you too. {{{HUGS}}}

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    1. Thanks Es May. It is very hard to be at this point in our lives. I never, ever thought my brother would be who I had to battle on their behalf.

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  5. Rant away - anytime you need to :)
    Hope things get a tad bit easier for you. Hope your brother wakes a little to help you out.
    Hugs!!!!

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    1. Thanks Sarah, I am hoping for a wake up call, or for him to just get busy and forget them like he normally does.

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