Sunday, August 25, 2013

It Aint All Sunshine and Roses...

Well now, I'm just miffed.  I'm aggravated, and I'm offended.  I know he didn't mean for this to happen and that well helps some...

I am expected to be honest.  I am spanked if I'm not honest.  I am spanked if I keep secrets.  I am spanked if I withhold information.  You get the idea.  So, it's okay for him to do this?  The tough part is I understand why he withheld the information to a degree.  He came into possession of information that he determined might make things difficult for me and all parties involved, so he kept it to himself.

Last night, this information, NO, part of this information was given to me, but not all of it.  It was not meant to be hurtful, but it was like I was being taunted.  Oh look, I have this information.. isn't it nice?  Oh no, I have no intentions of telling you the rest of it.

Now, the way my mind works, I am going to mull it over, try to work it out, wonder about every SINGLE person in my world who could possibly have had a hand in said situation.  Because THAT is the way my mind works.  That's how I roll...

It makes me feel like a child.  Like someone who is not trustworthy, or capable of handling said information.  And if he truly felt that way, FINE, just don't tell me any of it.  Oh wait, that's not quite right..  cause well I'm held to a completely different standard now aren't I?  And at this point, No, I don't want the rest of the information.  I wanted to be trusted enough in the first place.


  1. Hey Dana...IMO it wasn't that the Man didn´t trust you but that he was trying to protect his woman. Put yourself in his would you have handled it?

    I´m here if ya need to talk.

    Sending lots of prayers and healing energy.


  2. I agree with Cat about his intentions, as hard as that is to say and hear. Though I do think that once he's said something like that, where he spills part of it, I think it is wrong at that point to hold back the info. It sounds like you're like me, and the worrying and strain your brain and heart go through are far worse than if you just knew the truth in the first place. Could you sit down and talk with him about this? Not to change how this time played out, but so that he knows for the future?

    1. I worded that wrong, he has the right to make these decisions as the head of the house, it isn't right for me to think him wrong, sorry... but I do feel bad for the stress it puts you under to know he isn't telling you something. {{{HUGS}}}

    2. Thanks Es May, and oddly enough, I took it and read it how you intended. That has a lot to do with the fact I read your blog and know you heart. We did talk, I didn't ask for the rest of the info, but I did explain how I feel and that it hurt me. We have come to terms with it somewhat..

  3. I agree wih Es May, except that I don't think that DD is about the "rights" of one over the other, but about the two of you coming to a loving consensual arrangement to deal with the glitches and problems and together make a better mutual relationship.

    Words or actions that have nothing at all to do with this mutual aim and which unnecessarily raise barriers that make you feel of less than equal worth and mistrusted by the one person on whom you should be able to count, have no place in TTWD,

    While I understand that he may have been obligated to the confidence of another person so that he could not tell you the whole story, at the same time, it seems to me that it would have been much wiser and more in keeping with loving leadership not to tell you anything at all.

    Offering the gift of your submission to your husband doesn't mean that you have to accept all decisions without respectful discussion or question and it doesn't mean that he'll always be right. Is something makes you feel bad, hurt, or less loved than you should it's essential that you help him to recognise this and understand why.

    1. I agree. This is not the norm for him, I guess is why it hit me so hard. We have discussed it, and he has apologized, which meant a lot to me. He is not perfect nor am I. I can respect a man who can admit when he is wrong and work together to resolve the situation and move forward.

  4. Hi again Dana,

    My mistake here was that I missed the earlier comment where you explained that you had already done just that. I too would have the greatest of respect for any man who, despite a DD arrangement that effectively says that you'll accept the rough with the smooth and that he's therefore not *obliged* to make amends when he gets it wrong, is strong and caring enough to admit to his mistakes and try to put them right.

    Best wishes