Friday, June 28, 2013

Popeye Was Right.....

How many of us as kids watched the cartoon Popeye?  And how many of us remember his favorite line? " I yam what I am.  "  Well that is kind of where I find myself at this moment.  I have watched our little slice of the world be rocked this week by the fever pitch of sensational journalism.  I have watched and waited to see where it would take us.

I will be the first to admit that in my world, I have much to lose if we are "outted" so to speak.  Would it be embarrassing?  Yes.  Would my family understand?  No.  Would I worry how people view this wonderful man I am married to?  Yes.  I am by nature an intensely private person by nature.  I asked The Man if I should shut down the blog or go private.  He said, no absolutely not.  It is an outlet for you, and someone took a chance and put themselves out there so we could learn and not feel so alone.

Let me say, I understand the folks that have.  Had The Man said, yes, it would have been gone.  I would have been sad, but gone just the same.  Part of this life is trusting our men to make the right decisions for our family with heavy input from us.  So, if the HoH, Master, Dominant, Daddy, Sir, or just put in the name that fits for your relationship felt it was best then so be it.  Or if the blog no longer brings you joy but fear and anxiety then by all means.  This place is meant to be a balm, a port in a storm, a way to not feel alone.

Whatever decisions are made, my hope and desire is that we remain kind to one another, supportive of one another.  It is good to debate, it is good to express our feelings, it is good to disagree, but it is not good to do amongst ourselves what has been done to us by media whoremongers hungry for a titillating piece of fluff to thrill the masses. 

I love the comfort I have found here.  Before I came to blogland, I felt so terribly alone.  I felt like a freak.  I worried and fretted that something terrible was wrong with me.  I was damaged in some way that I craved my husbands authority and dominance.  Then, I began to read, and timidly post comments.  I have found acceptance, support and guidance from many here.  That is what we are about.  My fervent prayer is that it will continue to be just that.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Circle The Wagons!!!!

I don't think there is a person who reads my blog that seen the shout out for prayers and healing and positive thoughts for Jim and Christina's Daughter.

I am doing that very thing.  Having been in this kind of situation with my son when he wasn't quite 2, I can tell you any prayers, all prayers, they work. 

Some things that you can pray for, if you haven't been through something this horrifying.

1.  Pray for peace, Peace.  Peace in the family, peace in their minds.  The thoughts that run through your mind at rapid speed can cripple you.

2.  Clear minds.  These folks are tired.  The parents, the doctor's, the nurses, the family, the friends.  Holding up a little one is exhausting.  Holding your fears at bay is exhausting.  Having to tell parents who obviously love their child bad news in no easy task.

3.  Rest, that they can rest when the opportunity presents itself.  That there is a place for coffee, and a shower.  Sometimes a shower is the best place to cry.  Washes them away and you can face another wave.

4.  Pray that the doctor's are on their toes and God gives them wisdom and discernment in what is the very best treatment for this baby.

Last of all,

Lord Jesus,

I come to you and I pray for this most special family.  You know their hearts.  You know right where Emily is  Hold her close Lord.  Let her know You and Feel You right there with her.  Comfort my friend Christina and her mate Jim.  Hold their hearts and spirits close.  Give them strength and hold the fear.  You are perfect Love Jesus.  The Bible tells me so.  And it says that perfect love casts out fear.  Please let Christina know You are right there beside her and her beloved.  Please comfort and give safety to Emily when her Mommy can't be there.

I thank you in advance for who you are Jesus.  Amen

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Happy Father's Day

First of all Happy Father's Day to the Big Burly, Larger than life Irishman I call Daddy.  How I love you.  How I feel such pride when people look at me and say, "I know who you belong to.."  Your unwavering commitment to your wife in the last 15 year in particular make you a Hero.    Even though you struggle with a rare blood disease that is slowly robbing you of your strength, you will always be 10 feet tall to me.

My Sweetheart, My HoH, and the Master of my heart, you are the most amazing man and Daddy.  I watched you yesterday, weary from a 20 hour drive to get home, put that away and spend the day and evening with your family.  We went shopping for my Dad's father's day present and you paid for it because it would have been a burden for me. 

The joy you take in your children, all of them humbles me.  Your laughter with them, for them about them is truly an awesome thing to behold.  I watched as you flew helicopters and handed over your father's day present to see the joy it gives them.

The example you continue to set before even our older children.  Watching as you took your son in law who knows nothing about cars and replaced the transmission on their car when you could have done it faster with someone else showed him that you respect him as the Head of his own house.   You don't talk about it, you do it.  You show our boys everyday what it means to provide for your family.  You sacrifice time with us and work hard. 

You also show them that you can compromise and what it means to have a mate who is your partner and supporter.  You show our boys how to treat their wives and our daughter how she should be treated.  It takes a leader to understand that in their soul is the need to wanderlust, but long for the comfort of home and a mate.  So you found a way to be who you are inside, and provide for our family and make our relationship grow. 

You are my soul mate, the love of my life, my best friend and I love you.

Saturday, June 8, 2013

Promises.. Promises.. NO Delivery... and other foolish statements made...

Ever felt just down right twitchy?  Itchy?  Froggy?  Foolishly brave?

Well, I was there.  Now things have gone just really well with The Man and I.  He has been busy but has made sure that things have run smoothly at the house.  Well, Lord... I can only take so much "peace" until I need to playfully poke the bear.

It's one of the things I love about us.  We love to play and wrestle and tease and flirt..  So, yesterday, I was swatting him, or teasing, flashing...  Not to mention, he would threaten my bottom and I would teasingly say... "Promises, promises....  NO Delivery.."  He would smile and nod.

Well, last night he relegated the children to the other side of the house, and brought out the paddle.  Well, he started with his hand.  I love our little leather rose paddle.  I was spanked, long, intensely, and lovingly.  He made sure I understood He was still the Boss..  course I knew that.  I just wanted to feel that. 

He has instituted something this time home.  My mind is so chaotic that he has me stand in the corner for several minutes.  It's not punishment.  He soothes me, and tells me that he wants me to clear my mind, focus on the moment.  We have come a very long way in that he spanks me in "rounds". 

The last round, I hear him talking about "Promises, promises, NO delivery..."  I couldn't help but giggle.  However, giggle time was over.  I ended up repeating that line after every swat for "awhile".  I am a stubborn soul.  I thought I would wait him out till I was "encouraged" to follow directions..

He is gone for training.  He just left.  Makes me sad.  We are losing a week of our time together.  He has been simply amazing this time home. 

Saturday, June 1, 2013

No Cancer At My House...

It has been a scary 8 weeks.  When I had food poisoning, the hospital did a CT scan with dye contrast and found cysts on my ovaries with what looked like calcified fingers(which is indicative of possible cancer).  I went to the doctor yesterday and got a clean bill of health.  What they had seen was scar tissue from a previous procedure.  Considering the history of ovarian cancer in my family, I was very concerned.  To say it was a huge relief is like the understatement of the century.

I know here in blogland, we often talk about spanking, whether it's discipline, punishment, relief, reset, reconnection, fun, erotic, good girl.... You get the idea.  I want to share something a bit different today.

I was very stressed the day before the doctor's appointment.  The Man could not go with me.  Our youngest had an awards program at school and Daddy needed to be there.  I was so anxiety ridden.  I knew I was headed toward a spanking.  I know that in the past they have helped reducing the level of stress.  I also knew that I was afraid and knew in my heart I was not going to willingly submit to one.  I reached out to a friend who suggested I ask The Man to just use his hand.  I explained I felt that it was either going to be a stress relief spanking or a discipline one because I was spinning.  We both agreed that the former was MUCH better than the latter..

I came home and went to the gym for a pretty intense work out.  When I got out of the gym, I had instructions to order to pizza to feed the masses and come  home.  I brought the pizza home, ate and was instructed to go take a hot shower.  I thought  "Oh Man, this is gonna hurt after a hot shower."  The Man kept me company, talking to me and when I got out of the shower said, "Now, get yourself in bed and take your medicine for sleep.  I will be there in a few to snuggle." 

It's not always about the spanking.  It's about knowing what your mate needs.  I needed to reduce the anxiety.  Sometimes I long to be spanked, need it, want it, ask for it and expect it.  This was not one of those times.  I needed the anxiety lessened.  I just wasn't sure how that was going to happen.  I expected to be spanked, he had said that he would.  Yet, after the work out, he looked into my eyes and saw my heart and decided to go in a different direction. 

It was a really big learning moment for me.  It's not always about being spanked.