- Trying to keep up at work and we are down two workers and the Paper Monster has executed a hostile take over in my office.
2. Trying to keep up with the various and sundry end of the school year programs, awards ceremonies, end of grade testing, field days, end of the year school trips, you get the idea.
3. Trying to keep up with my diet, work out schedule, sleep, and taking care of me.
4. Dealing with the leftover dregs of the PTSD visitor that I began to fear was going to take up residence and move in to stay.
That being said, as an introduction... Monday, I sent a text to my two friends, Cat and Christina that went something like this. "I just did the computer version of hanging up on The Man. I am screwed." Now as in typical DD fashion of support they both sent something like... "Apologize now, send a text, email, message.." To which I immediately said... I'm NOT sorry and I'm NOT gonna say sorry when I'm not. After a brief exchange from both trying to convince me otherwise, I got something like... "Okay..." Which I understood as... even if you aren't sorry, your butt is gonna be.
Bottom line, I was tired, wired, frustrated, and the computer connection was poor, he wasn't or couldn't answer, or it wasn't coming through and I just got fed up and threw something close to (okay, okay, exactly like a tantrum.) I had a full head of steam, righteous indignation, justified, and well wrong.
After an hour, the phone rang, and it was ...... The Man. Like a man headed to the hangmans noose, I answered the phone. By that time, I had calmed down and I was sorry. Sorry I had taken it out on him, sorry I hadn't handled things well, knew I was in the wrong and contrite. We talked for a minute, he was pleasant, and I quietly said, "I'm sorry I was rude and short with you. I'm sorry I threw a fit even if it was on the computer." I continued to say that I am aware if he were home I would probably... at which point he said, "Yeah, no probably to it, but I also know that if I were home, it wouldn't have happened in the first place. You wouldn't be sleep deprived and you would have gotten the spankings you need." In other words, the spankings I need to avoid the spankings I deserve when I act like this.
We are down to the last week before he gets home and it's the hardest month we've had apart in a while. We have had very little time to talk or communicate this time. He is making a concerted effort to get up early and talk to me, and I worry that he isn't getting enough sleep, and well Friday is our anniversary and we will be apart. Yes, I know we will celebrate when he gets home. I try very hard to be positive when he is gone. This is our life and I love it, and him. It's just tough sometimes. It's tough to go to banquets alone, retreats alone, family functions alone, and sleep alone. It isn't any easier on him, I know that. He loves his job as I love mine. This job gives him the ability to provide for his family. He is successful there. I would never take that from him any more than he would take mine. I also know that both our jobs cost us sometimes.
I'm sorry this has been all over the place. I am seriously sleep deprived at this particular moment. I'm gonna crash soon as is my way. It's the one pattern I can't seem to break or change.