Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Let's Be Real

 I have to say, this month has pretty much been, (the word I want to use would get me in trouble at best, and offend others at worst) um trying.  Yeah, that's a good word.  Trying.  Yup, yup, I have spent the month ....

  1. Trying to keep up at work and we are down two workers and the Paper Monster has executed a hostile take over in my office.
      2.  Trying to keep up with the various and sundry end of the school year programs, awards ceremonies, end of grade testing, field days, end of the year school trips, you get the idea.
3.    Trying to keep up with my diet, work out schedule, sleep, and taking care of me.
4.      Dealing with the leftover dregs of the PTSD visitor that I began to fear was going to take up residence and move in to stay.
That being said, as an introduction...  Monday, I sent a text to my two friends, Cat and Christina that went something like this.  "I just did the computer version of hanging up on The Man.  I am screwed."  Now as in typical DD fashion of support they both sent something like...  "Apologize now, send a text, email, message.."  To which I immediately said... I'm NOT sorry and I'm NOT gonna say sorry when I'm not.  After a brief exchange from both trying to convince me otherwise, I got something like... "Okay..."  Which I understood as...  even if you aren't sorry, your butt is gonna be.
Bottom line, I was tired, wired, frustrated, and the computer connection was poor, he wasn't or couldn't answer, or it wasn't coming through and I just got fed up and threw something close to (okay, okay, exactly like a tantrum.)  I had a full head of steam, righteous indignation, justified, and well wrong. 
After an hour, the phone rang, and it was ...... The Man.  Like a man headed to the hangmans noose, I answered the phone.  By that time, I had calmed down and I was sorry.  Sorry I had taken it out on him, sorry I hadn't handled things well, knew I was in the wrong and contrite.  We talked for a minute, he was pleasant, and I quietly said, "I'm sorry I was rude and short with you.  I'm sorry I threw a fit even if it was on the computer."  I continued to say that I am aware if he were home I would probably... at which point he said, "Yeah, no probably to it, but I also know that if I were home, it wouldn't have happened in the first place.  You wouldn't be sleep deprived and you would have gotten the spankings you need."  In other words, the spankings I need to avoid the spankings I deserve when I act like this.
We are down to the last week before he gets  home and it's the hardest month we've had apart in a while.  We  have had very little time to talk or communicate this time.  He is making a concerted effort to get up early and talk to me, and I worry that he isn't getting enough sleep, and well Friday is our anniversary and we will be apart.  Yes, I know we will celebrate when  he gets home.  I try very hard to be positive when he is gone.  This is our life and I love it, and him.  It's just tough sometimes.  It's tough to go to banquets alone, retreats alone, family functions alone, and sleep alone.  It isn't any easier on him, I know that.  He loves his job as I love mine.  This job gives him the ability to provide for his family.  He is successful there.  I would never take that from him any more than he would take mine.  I also know that both our jobs cost us sometimes.
I'm sorry this has been all over the place.  I am seriously sleep deprived at this particular moment.  I'm gonna crash soon as is my way.  It's the one pattern I can't seem to break or change.


  1. Oh Dana, that's just soooo hard. May is an absolutely insane month BEFORE you add in Him being out of town! That just amplifies the difficulty and the stress and frustration so much. I am VERY sorry.

    Hugs to you!!!

    1. Thanks Fiona. May is an insane month. It is coming to a close as he will be home next week. Most of the time I handle it better.

    2. Ya, I understand...just remember to cut yourself a break. we all get more than we can handle sometimes. He'll come home and May will be over and y'all can "reset"!

      Hang in there!

  2. Dana easy on yourself...considering everything that has been going on, you are doing well. Yes, you will celebrate when the Man gets home but being apart on your anniversary pure D sucks!

    BTW...if there's anything you need to get out BEFORE the Man gets home so that your butt doesn't pay, call me. LOL Now get some sleep!

    Sending lots of prayers and positive energy your way.

    Hugs and Blessings,

    1. Working on it. working on it. I got flowers today ya know?

  3. I hate the long-distance thing. I hope you can get some rest in...

    1. I slept some last night and worked out tonight. counting the days ya know?

  4. Your husband is so sweet to recognize how hard it is to go through what you are going through and to give you whatever love & support he could.

    I hope this last week goes fast and you are in each other's arms before you know it!


    1. He is sweet. He also held me accountable to work out tonight to ease the stress...

  5. Part of you not doing certain behaviors if he were there, would be that you are more content. It's not just because he can keep you in line, even though I'm sure he knows if that is a big part of it or not. It is sweet that he makes the effort for you two to communicate. I hope that you will absorb all the enjoyment you can out of your time together. God bless you both, Belle L.

  6. Didn't I tell you it would work out? He loves you and you love him and before you know it he'll be home and your arms will be full!

    Antime you want to talk, I'm here.