I have come back up for air. The Man came home last Thursday. Today is the first day since he's been home that I haven't been spanked. I really must agree with June. Good Girl spankings are where it's at. I wasn't spanked for something I had done or not done. He always spanks me when he first gets home because we both need it desperately. I need to feel I'm his and he needs to know I know I'm his.
I needed to feel his leadership, his control. I needed to know he "had me". I needed to know that he was strong enough for me to release this pent up emotion, anxiety, and stress. I was able to communicate to him before he got home that I needed permission to buck against his authority, to release these terrible toxic feelings I have spent weeks keeping under control. I got the most wonderful statement from The Man. "I'm coming for you Sweetheart. I have what you need."
I have been spanked softly, playfully, seriously, long and hard. My bottom has been everything from pink to red. I have been in a variety of positions, but the best... is when we are warmed up, my bottom is hot, and I am nearing the end of my control, he puts me over his knee, with my laying across the bed, and wraps his legs over mine and takes me to the place that my mind and body needs to go. You are right June, there is something so reassuring and a special moment of connection when I feel I am at the end of what I can endure and I reach for his hand and he takes mine. He doesn't restrain me, he lets me know that he is right there with me.
He has had me count. You see I told him that I needed him. I needed to feel his strength. I needed to feel his leadership. I needed to feel his control. I have felt so out of control. I needed him to help me get it back under control. I didn't want to "brat" to get what I needed. I didn't want to break rules, hide, distance or demand. It was not easy to tell him of my need. To tell him I was holding on by my fingernails. But the benefit was well worth it.
After two particularly intense spankings, The Man had me stand in the corner. This is not normal for us. The point was not punishment for me. It was for me to continue to get my emotions under control. I have an extremely hard time being still when I am anxiety ridden. The Man told me to stand, stand still and empty my mind. At first, I thought.."Why don't you just ask me to stand on my head and spit brass nickels.." But as I stood there. My nose in the corner, I began to listen for his breathing, his movements and my mind settled.
Don't mind telling you the "other" activities have been pretty freakin awesome... Just sayin. So, today is the first day I haven't been spanked since he's been home. He is a fine man, who says to me, while he is snuggling me close, "Did you get what you needed Little girl?" And I have to say at this point, "Yes, Yes I have."