Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Okay... So I'm a Little Grouchy

Okay, so I'm a little very grumpy.  I am as another of my blog friend calls, discombobulated.  Cool word huh?  I love it.  Anyhow. 

I was awake for a very long time last night.  In my job, and sometimes it's hard.  I have three separate cases where the adults have manipulated the system to squeak out every ounce of assistance it can obtain by whatever means needed.  Now, whereas I may not agree with this (understatement).  I have neither the time nor the energy to chase these folks down or make them "do right,"  That being said, if you are going to do the above, do NOT create an environment in which your children disclose being hungry, not having food, going hungry or days without taking a bath.  This is the one thing outside of physical and sexual abuse that sends me simply orbital.  Even after 20 plus years as a Social Worker in one area or another, I can not fathom letting my babies go hungry.

The Man is gone.  nuff said.

I said to my husband today, "It is very hurtful when you realize you love someone more than they love you and probably always have."  No, it was not in reference to him, but to someone I love very much.  It is often a position I find myself in.  I seem to attract folks that need more, give less. 

I am also aware that I am struggling with a bout of depression.  I always do after a rather significant bout with PTSD.  It makes me sad, frustrates me, makes me feel like I've lost ground, and reminds me that it's a lifelong journey with the "Monster".  Oh Joy...  With that depression comes the feeling of being overwhelmed at home.  Much needs to be done, and I just can't manage to get started.  It all looks so overwhelming that I just go to bed.  I have been able to maintain my work out schedule and my diet for the most part.

I finally had to admit to The Man that I am struggling.  Course this is after 2 days of just ill and grumpy.  Did I mention I HATE TAKING PEOPLES KIDS?  Breaks my heart.  I'm having an I feel fat day.  I'm having an I can't do anything right day. (OH Lord this is shaping up to be a pity party)  Not to mention, a coworker convinced me of a decision that I knew was wrong and I backed down and now it is a HUGE issue that can have HUGE ramifications (please read huge payback) and I knew it was wrong and didn't trust my judgment.

*****I know you read my blogs Man of Mine.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner.  I will try to do the things you have asked me to do.  We both know what I need, and I will try my best for it to be a good girl spanking.

Love Me

20 comments:

  1. Sweet Dana...I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. What can I do to help? I'm here if you need to talk.

    Sending lots of prayers and healing energy my friend.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. thanks my friend. I just have a heavy heart is all

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  2. aww {{dana}} i'm sorry. we have a family in our church that was just given complete custody of someone else's children because the parents of said children decided they wanted to smoke crack more than get clean and be good parents. however, the children in this case, are the true lottery winners. they are precious beyond measure.

    i hope you can heal from the depression. you'll be in my thoughts.

    m.

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    1. I love my job. I truly do. I love my life. Just sometimes I don't like either of them much

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  3. I'm so sorry. I do family law, so I see part of your world when the parents go to extremes using the child to hurt the other parent. And it never gets easier, it always breaks your heart to see parents not loving their children enough to put them first. I can't imagine being the one who has to make the final decision to remove the kids from their home.

    *hugs*

    I don't know if you're a praying kind of person, but I'll say a prayer for you, and for the kids who need you to make that decision.

    - Brenna

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    1. Oh I hate those kind. Doesn't take me long to tell them they are BOTH in trouble...

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  4. Oh, I'm so sorry for you.
    In my job I have to pass on the concerns to people like you. I know I'm doing the right thing but still get upset when children end up being moved.
    Thank God for you and others doing the same job. X

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    1. And thank God for folks like you that actually CALL.

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  5. First let me say, I love that word. :D

    Secondly I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. Call me if you need to talk. Bouts with the monster suck and I know what you are going through. I hope things are better today than yesterday, and remember this place doesn't last forever.

    Love and hugs,
    TL

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    1. T,

      It's the depression afterwards that just blows chunks as the man would say...

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  6. Dana,
    You are one of my favorite types of people because you are a Life Changer. I am in education and have an understanding of your role. I cannot imagine what you see and experience, but thank God for people like you.

    So sorry you are having a tough time. It isn't easy, being a "giver," sometimes.

    Just remember the ripple-effect.

    Elisa Xo

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    1. I love what I do.. except when I don't. Things are better now. No, it's not easy but it seems to be the way I'm built

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  7. I too suffer with depression, and it just zaps my ability to accomplish anything at times. I can not imagine being in the profession that you are in, and not being depressed. You'll just have to make yourself concentrate on all the good that has occured because of you, and try to let go of the things that you just can't control. I'm sorry that you are struggling right now. As far as someone you love, not loving back, I know it is hard. I've spent more hours than I can count wondering why my dad didn't love me back. I have had to struggle to look at proof that he loved me. I have to just try to think that he loves the best he can. He just didn't grow up in a good enviroment. So, I just look at it, sorta like a mental illness. Maybe that is a coping mechanism for me, but "whatever works." I am going to pray that you have much better days coming soon. God bless you and yours, Belle L.

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    1. I am getting there. Or at least I think I am.. You are such an encouragement to me Belle. You speak softly and sweetly and with such kindness. Thank You

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  8. Your job has got to be hard sometimes, Dana, but I imagine it's also sometimes rewarding. Hope things get better and that the gg spanking works its magic!

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    1. Hey Jake.... nice to see you back around. I hope so too, he is gone right now and I am trying REALLY hard to stay on the right side of the line.

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  9. Love that word. My friend and I use it. :) But only with each other.

    That is a hard job, I can't imagine anyone having peace with taking kids away. {{{HUGS}}} I'm glad you told your husband, even if it was througha blog post, so that he can come along side and help you through this. I have found that the times I get depressed are much shorter lived, and less dark, now that the Duke is with me through them. Husbands can really help us out with this.

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    1. I don't really struggle with this level of depression much. When I do, it is really tough.

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  10. Elisa got it right. What an awful world it would be if it weren't for people like you Dana.
    Take care,
    Bea

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