I was awake for a very long time last night. In my job, and sometimes it's hard. I have three separate cases where the adults have manipulated the system to squeak out every ounce of assistance it can obtain by whatever means needed. Now, whereas I may not agree with this (understatement). I have neither the time nor the energy to chase these folks down or make them "do right," That being said, if you are going to do the above, do NOT create an environment in which your children disclose being hungry, not having food, going hungry or days without taking a bath. This is the one thing outside of physical and sexual abuse that sends me simply orbital. Even after 20 plus years as a Social Worker in one area or another, I can not fathom letting my babies go hungry.
The Man is gone. nuff said.
I said to my husband today, "It is very hurtful when you realize you love someone more than they love you and probably always have." No, it was not in reference to him, but to someone I love very much. It is often a position I find myself in. I seem to attract folks that need more, give less.
I am also aware that I am struggling with a bout of depression. I always do after a rather significant bout with PTSD. It makes me sad, frustrates me, makes me feel like I've lost ground, and reminds me that it's a lifelong journey with the "Monster". Oh Joy... With that depression comes the feeling of being overwhelmed at home. Much needs to be done, and I just can't manage to get started. It all looks so overwhelming that I just go to bed. I have been able to maintain my work out schedule and my diet for the most part.
I finally had to admit to The Man that I am struggling. Course this is after 2 days of just ill and grumpy. Did I mention I HATE TAKING PEOPLES KIDS? Breaks my heart. I'm having an I feel fat day. I'm having an I can't do anything right day. (OH Lord this is shaping up to be a pity party) Not to mention, a coworker convinced me of a decision that I knew was wrong and I backed down and now it is a HUGE issue that can have HUGE ramifications (please read huge payback) and I knew it was wrong and didn't trust my judgment.
*****I know you read my blogs Man of Mine. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I will try to do the things you have asked me to do. We both know what I need, and I will try my best for it to be a good girl spanking.