Sometimes you just bump along...and other times it seems like things change fast, and you wonder just where it started. Sometimes the end result of growth is great, but the process not so much. Ya know what I mean?
So.. here we go. First off, I am super, duper tickled to report that since January 1st, I have lost 16 and a half pounds (yes, the half is important). I have come to love salads for one meal a day, zumba and synergy. (well the last two once I got over being so sore I couldn't move). I have 35 pounds left to reach my first goal. (read, The Man has said we will evaluate after that)
I am being given a new opportunity at work that I find tempting. It gives me a way to make a huge difference. We are praying. I am thinking and weighing my options. I have made some changes in my work place and the stress is more manageable.
The Man is taking me to New Orleans. WOOOHOOOO!!!! (Yeah Cat, so not telling where we are staying...) It is one of our favorite places to visit. SSSSHHHH, we aren't taking kids.
And now for the changing. I would like to tell you that I don't still feel hollow inside, but I can tell you that I don't feel as hollow. My sadness is fading and I am feeling more myself. The Man has made sure I understand that I am still me. He has listened to my feelings, understood it has nothing to do with him and in his calm way smoothed the rough waters of my emotions, so that I can reason through to the other side.
We are growing as individuals and together. It has been very difficult for me to come to terms with the reality that I enjoy being spanked. Understand my Spank-no friends, I don't like being disciplined at all. They hurt and much more so than others. I am convinced it is because I am heart broken that I have disappointed either him or myself or damaged our relationship in some way.
For whatever reason I am wired that being spanked keeps me on an even keel. It smooths my emotions, and can be extremely exciting for me. It has taken me a long time to understand it's not a bad thing. It's just what works for us. This Man of mine has patiently, lovingly and through his leadership helped me accept this part of me an thrive and grow. The stronger he grows in his leadership and HoH role, the more I am able to submit and offer him what he desires most, my respect. That is how he feels loved, is when I show him that I respect him as my husband, the head of our home, my lover and my friend.
The more respect I give, the more he thrives. The more he thrives, the more he gives. It's a pretty good cycle don't you think? How I love this Man of Mine...