Those of you who read know that The Man works away from home a month and is home a month. We are down to 5 days and he will be home. I am thrilled. This month has been pretty trying.. I normally joke with him and tell him that the cosmos knows when he leaves...
The last two weeks of his hitch are tough because we can't communicate a lot. His shift changes and it's not compatible with my time zone. It is much tougher when we can't chat regularly. This time has been tough because I have spent most of my time out of the office so that means I'm driving, and well texting and driving is a no no.
We are growing and changing and I am settling deeper into the comfort of submitting myself to him. Understanding that doesn't mean that I am giving up who I am. I am exploring who I am and embracing me. There was a time in my life when I had to be tough, strong, independent, isolated. Whereas it served me well, it makes me weary and tired and lonely. Over the last few years, The Man has insisted on more with his loving acceptance and working to be a man I could trust and love and respect and honor.
There was a significant shift inside of me and I can tell you when it happened. When I had to have surgery last year and this one (I am so not interested in a pattern here). I was in a place where I could not take care of myself, and he did. He was patient and kind and never belittled as he was my caretaker. Something in my heart changed that was beyond a spanking, or submissive exercises or punishment or whatever wild "dance" we may do. I felt loved, cherished, and protected. Something broke inside of me or opened rather and I found a very hidden part of myself drawn to him and he accepted me. Rather I found, he has always accepted me, he was just waiting for ME to accept me.
I am excited, I am nervous. We have much planned this time. Rather he does, and my part in this is to accept, enjoy and love my husband. I am ashamed to say there are times in our lives that he has not come first. The children, my parents, my friends, work, they all came before because they "needed" me. Well, I am finding that he needs me. He needs my love, my respect, my service, and me, just me. I so do not want to sabotage us out of fear this time home. I know that he is stepping up and I am stepping down under the wing of his authority and it's exciting and really scary some days.