Saturday, January 26, 2013

Change.. and not Dimes and Quarters...

Change...  there are all kinds of change.   The seasons change (if you are lucky enough to live somewhere that you have all fours seasons and a blur of temperatures).  Times change for example women weren't allowed to vote and now they are.  Style changes (and not always for the good).  A perfect example of this is spandex...

Feelings change and like everything else this can be a good thing or a bad thing.  Thoughts change and attitudes change.  For those of us living this lifestyle this can come from strong healthy leadership and a paddle...  Rules change and  if you are a thriving couple in TTWD, that is a good thing.  Whether you as a couple have accomplished a rule and can lay it to rest, or we decide together to work on a new area. 

I am not a huge fan of change.  I have the same routine that I had as a 13 year old teenager to get ready in the morning.  To ask me to "change" that routine is a promise of having to start over from the beginning.  I take the same route home everyday, I have my own parking space at home, and I go into my home with the same door.  I guess you could say I am a creature of habit.

So, The Man has an opportunity for a job that will mean some pretty big "changes" for us the first two years, but will be an awesome opportunity in the long run.  I am like the little child who refuses to let go of the penny in her hand for the promise of a dime that someone would give.  The Man, he takes chances.  Not dangerous ones, not where our family is concerned but is much more adventurous than me.  Now, were that not true, he would not have the job he has that he loves and provides very well for us.

This is a challenge for me.  We have talked  about  me leaving my job.  This new position will mean less salary for 2 years.  Nothing that will break us by any means.  But, Change is scarey.  My immediate answer to this is to way to quit.  I have the plan don't you see?  I can.. I can....  Well, that isn't how it's supposed to be anymore.  I know it, you know it, he knows it... I think even the DOG knows it...

Today it dawned me why I don't like change.  As a child, I never knew which mother I was going to have.  The fun one, the happy one, the catatonic one, the manic one, the depressed one.. you get the picture.   So, I learned to create my own security in a very uncertain world.  Security for me became the same.  The same routine, the same reactions, the same place for things.  But if there is no change, things become stagnant.

I know that The Man would pass this opportunity up if he believed it was going to be more than I could handle.  I don't want that.  He has grown, he is loving, he is kind, he is honorable and is very vested in protecting his family.  So, I am trying to "change" and learn to lean on him when things are uncertain.  I love this Man of Mine.  I want only good things for him.  I trust him with my body and my heart, and I am learning to trust him with our lives.

18 comments:

  1. I hear ya, sister. I'm not a fan of change either. I think you are very brave to consider change and have so much trust in the man. Growing up with instability makes trust a very big issue for me, at least. I think it's amazing that you are able to put so much faith in The Man. Good luck in this phase of your journey.

    Love,
    TL

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    1. Thank you so much T. It is not easy, and right now it feels like I am wearing clothes that don't fit.

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    2. I know that feeling too. Let me know if you ever need to talk. I am only a phone call away.

      Lots of hugs,
      TL

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  2. Dana dear -

    You are stronger than what you give yourself credit for.

    I am absolutely certain that you will support this awesome change with a willing, loving heart. It's scary but also exciting. Just think of the rewards and no, I'm not referring to money. ;)

    If you stumble with doubt and/or fear, the Man and all of us will be here to help you find your footing.

    Hugs and Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. I am trying.. I feel like the "Little Engine that Could." I think I can.. I think I can...I know I want to....

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    2. Change that to I know I can...I know I can...I KNOW I CAN... ;)

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  3. Change is a big bad word in our house. I don't cope with it at all. The older I get the worse I am getting with it. Little changes are ok, but big ones just end in tears.

    I feel for you, it's hard when everything is fine and something has to change for things to be even better. That voice in the back of your head says "what if it goes completely wrong?" It's hard to ignore that voice and embrace change.

    I'm glad you have The Man to help you through it :)

    Callie

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    1. Callie,

      Exactly. I want to be as supportive to him as he is with me. I just panic sometimes. The hardest thing is for me NOT to wrestle the reins back and do my version of "fixing it."

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  4. I wish you luck with this. I don't like change much either, but have found that I might as well get used to it, bc living life requires change and growth does too!

    Sara

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    1. I hear ya.. I am praying and trying to be patient and just wait... (I'll let ya know how that works out...)

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  5. good luck, i hate change. it really upsets me. i need everything to be the way it is, just so... exactly so.. and when it isn't i go crazy.

    i would tell him how i feel. but reassure him that i trust him to lead your family. put it in his hands, and let him know that you're doing so, it'll probably help you feel less responsible and free yourself up from that feeling of "fixing it" your way.

    (just a thought, sorry for rambling on...)

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    1. It is funny.. you should say that, because that is just what I did. And you were not rambling.. You were encouraging.. It's more than driving me crazy, I literally panic. And it's not alway pretty...

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  6. That is so awesome that even though it is going to be hard for you to change, you're doing so for your husband and your family. I know how HARD change can be. I'm rooting for you as you take these first steps over the journey of the next two years. Knowing your character from your posts, I know you can do this. :) I loved your comment "I think even the DOG knows it" LOVED IT! :)

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    1. Well... She does.. (the dog)... Thanks for the encouragement... My knees are knocking and I am determined...

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  7. Sure you can do it, just put your mind to it. He's got your back and the best interests of you and your kids in his mind. It will be fine. Make that leap and don't look back.

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    1. Think it would be okay if I hopped?

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  8. Change is hard no matter when it happens! Hang in there :) BTW, I nominated (or maybe re-nominated) you for the Very Inspiring Blogger Award.

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    1. Yes, change is hard, and with gals who have PTSD.. it's well, damn hard... but we are muddling through.. and THANKS for the nomination. You are a sweetheart and I feel the same about you..

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