Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Makes me Nervous in a Happy Kinda Way..

Well now.. the time has come.. the time is now...  Yup... those of you who know us, know it's time for The Man to come home.  He will be here tomorrow.  We are changing, we are growing and that is a good thing. (sounds like Martha Stewart doesn't it?)

I am so thrilled when he comes home.  Many of you have often said you don't know how we do it.  Him gone a month and home a month.  We make it work, it works for us.  It's not always fun, it's not always easy, but it's our life.

  I will be honest with you.  It is hard for me when he comes home.  I have had to be in charge of the home while he's been gone.  I am submissive by nature.  By that, I mean it is my hearts desire to please my husband.  I am also a very strong, mouthy  expressive woman who often finds myself with my posterior red.  It is hard for me to shift.  I also struggle with the things that I know I would have been spanked for had he been home.  Not so much a rule, as attitude.

I have to remind myself that he is home.  It is now my job to be the helpmate, the supporter, not the leader in the home.  It is a constant struggle to remind the boys that Daddy is in charge.  Even though, I work very hard to make sure they know that we talk and Daddy has the final say on any decision, be it permission, punishment etc...  There are times I can't wait, but I will say, "This is the initial decision, however it may change once I talk to Dad."

He is a good man.. this man of mine.  His intention when he comes home is to relieve me of many of my duties.  It is a blessing.  I have to remind myself not to be snarky if the towels are folded wrong, or the dishes aren't put away in just the way I want them.  Or the laundry(clean) is piled on th bed.  See, I am a creature of habit.  Everything has a process, everything has a procedure, everything has a certain way they are done, put away...  (YOU get the idea).  He is trying to learn all those, and I am trying to relax.

I'm gonna end up with a spanked bottom.  Somedays, this is a good thing.  Truth be told, I'm a spanko and I enjoy it in our personal time.  I gotta tell ya, not so much when I am in trouble.  Makes no sense to me.  I enjoy it in one avenue and the other terrifies me.  Nobody ever said I was easy...  All things considered, I sure will be glad to feel The Man's arm enfold me.  There just isn't a safer place to be...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Very Inspiring Blogger? Huh?

The Very Inspiring Blogger Award

So it seems that I have been nominated for the "Very Inspiring Blogger Award" to which I first must say - thank you to 49 Percent. (
So per the rules, here is the image:

And here are the rules:

1. Display the award logo on your blog. (done - see above)
2. Link back to the person who nominated you. (done - see above)
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 other bloggers for this award and link to them.
5. Notify those bloggers of the nomination and the award’s requirements.

And 7 things about myself:
1.  I love to garden, and can the produce from it.
2.  It is much easier to hurt my feelings than most people realize.
3. I always wanted to learn to line dance.
4.  I am a Carolina Tarheels fan.
5.  Christmas is my favorite holiday.
6.  I envy women who make everything look easy.
7.  I don't tolerate stupid very well...
I'm not sure who to nominate at this point...  Nobody said it would be easy is my nomination...  TL is amazing with her honesty and genuine humor and just plain real..  And, thank you 49%  for the compliment.  I feel the same about you...

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Change.. and not Dimes and Quarters...

Change...  there are all kinds of change.   The seasons change (if you are lucky enough to live somewhere that you have all fours seasons and a blur of temperatures).  Times change for example women weren't allowed to vote and now they are.  Style changes (and not always for the good).  A perfect example of this is spandex...

Feelings change and like everything else this can be a good thing or a bad thing.  Thoughts change and attitudes change.  For those of us living this lifestyle this can come from strong healthy leadership and a paddle...  Rules change and  if you are a thriving couple in TTWD, that is a good thing.  Whether you as a couple have accomplished a rule and can lay it to rest, or we decide together to work on a new area. 

I am not a huge fan of change.  I have the same routine that I had as a 13 year old teenager to get ready in the morning.  To ask me to "change" that routine is a promise of having to start over from the beginning.  I take the same route home everyday, I have my own parking space at home, and I go into my home with the same door.  I guess you could say I am a creature of habit.

So, The Man has an opportunity for a job that will mean some pretty big "changes" for us the first two years, but will be an awesome opportunity in the long run.  I am like the little child who refuses to let go of the penny in her hand for the promise of a dime that someone would give.  The Man, he takes chances.  Not dangerous ones, not where our family is concerned but is much more adventurous than me.  Now, were that not true, he would not have the job he has that he loves and provides very well for us.

This is a challenge for me.  We have talked  about  me leaving my job.  This new position will mean less salary for 2 years.  Nothing that will break us by any means.  But, Change is scarey.  My immediate answer to this is to way to quit.  I have the plan don't you see?  I can.. I can....  Well, that isn't how it's supposed to be anymore.  I know it, you know it, he knows it... I think even the DOG knows it...

Today it dawned me why I don't like change.  As a child, I never knew which mother I was going to have.  The fun one, the happy one, the catatonic one, the manic one, the depressed one.. you get the picture.   So, I learned to create my own security in a very uncertain world.  Security for me became the same.  The same routine, the same reactions, the same place for things.  But if there is no change, things become stagnant.

I know that The Man would pass this opportunity up if he believed it was going to be more than I could handle.  I don't want that.  He has grown, he is loving, he is kind, he is honorable and is very vested in protecting his family.  So, I am trying to "change" and learn to lean on him when things are uncertain.  I love this Man of Mine.  I want only good things for him.  I trust him with my body and my heart, and I am learning to trust him with our lives.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Opinions Please...

Okay.. so...  My folks 50th Wedding Anniversary is next month.  I have written this poem and would like to know if you guys thinks it's good enough to either read or have put into the powerpoint we are doing for them complete with music and pictures..  So.. here goes.

New times when everything is fresh and bright,
And young love leads the way to new life.
Brides and bows, grooms and vows make way for family.
Family times where dreams take flight,
And children’s laughter and giggles are the music of the day
Parents mold little lives in the everyday moments called life.
Hard times come with heartbreak in this journey,
And tears wash away the bitterness that can come.
Adversity tests the mettle of Times but commitment holds strong.
Enduring times test the words that were spoken when love was new,
And it is here that the vows that were spoken are made flesh.
The vow made of sickness and in health is what forges the path to stay the course.
Happy times is the ribbon thread throughout the stages of life,
And the special moments, a smile, a touch, a private memory to cherish gives hope.
Hope for a brighter time.
Golden times when wisdom has grown as two lives have lived as one,
And knowing you have touched so many lives just by being who you are.
To look and see the legacy you have created in Your Times.
I appreciate you guys taking the time to help me out...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I just Gotta Tell somebody...

Okay.. So...  those of you who read my blogs know that I am on the weight loss train...  I sometimes hop off long enough to get a McFlurry... and a spanking... 

I approached weight loss with new vigor this year.  And... I have lost another 10 pounds.  I have 40 left that I want to lose.  I have lost 45.  I have determined that I am going to do this thing.  The weight makes me miserable and ashamed to look in the mirror.

For those two reasons, The Man offered to help me with my program.  I am accountable to him.  Let me take a moment to be clear.  He loved me 50 pounds heavier and told me everyday I was beautiful.  It is NOT about that.  He realizes that it does a MAJOR mental job on my head and heart to be that heavy.  So, he has placed it under, "be healthy" rule.  I am given many positive rewards for my goals being met, and yes, he spanks my bottom when I break my diet or don't exercise.  I would like to say that I am always appreciative and happy about his HOH role in my diet..  Deep sigh... I try NEVER to lie...

So..  Yes, I am proud of me.  It has been and continues to be very hard work.  I hid behind weight, and food was my comfort.  I am having to learn new skills and why I ate to feel better.  I am learning to like the newer me.  To continue to work toward my goal.

I have to say, to my husband.  Your unfailing, unwaivering, unconditional love, gave me a safe place to "shed" my safety suit.  You will never know how much I love you for that.  And for the times I wasn't very pleasant when you told me no when I asked for ice cream or a cookie...  Well, I and my bottom are sorry... (maybe one more than the other when I am upside down...) 

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Betrayal is a Bitter Pill...

It is past three am in the morning. I'm sitting wondering just what to say.  I guess the first thing to say would be, The Man is NOT the cause of my heart break and distress.

Betrayal is a hard thing for me.  I think so for everyone.  I am a very loyal person  the people whom I do love, I love fiercely and deeply.  This is often painful when dealing with my family.  I often find myself wondering why I am not good enough for them to love.  What is there in me that makes me unacceptable?  I try very hard.  I try to be a good daughter.  I try to be a good sister.  I am not perfect.

Yet, in a world where I am cared for by friends, and my church, I find myself consistently feeling like I don't matter.  I am the fix it person.  It is assumed that I will handle whatever, but especially the unpleasant things.  No thought is given to my feelings or how hurtful something might be.  Yet, they certainly depend on me to take care of anything and everything no matter how unpleasant and hurtful.

At some point do you just say I'm done?  I don't want to do this anymore?  I know me, and I fear that I am done with them.  I will continue to do the things I need to for my family but any meaningful relationship,  the one that I long for?  Long that I will be enough, be good enough, meet your standards, finally be acceptable to you as your child. 

I try not to rant, or whine on my blog and I'm just sure this is what this sounds like.  Please forgive, it's three am and I'm a bit devastated by todays turn of events.  The Man isn't home, I can't talk with anyone in my family about it, so as not to cause conflict in the family and frankly, I feell like my heart just may explode and I find that my throat is having a tough time swalling this pill called betrayal.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

We've come a long way Baby...

So, it's been awhile since I posted.  I'm sorry bout that.  Things have kinda been crazy.  During the holiday season, The Man was kind enough to drive me around to do the things I needed done because I was sick like a dog...  While driving, after dark, we had an encounter with a suicidal racoon that was as big as a dog (his story.. I'm sticking to it...)  It did some SERIOUS damage to our little Focus so, he determined it was time for a new car.

He did all the work!!  He got the loan, found the car I wanted and arranged for us to go get it.  Well, in the fray of doing all of the paperwork beforehand, he scanned his driver's license and forgot them on the scanner.  Well, where we got the car was about 45 minutes from our house.  You guessed it, he didn't realize it till we were there to purchase the car. 

Now, I am ashamed and embarassed to say that in times past, this would have sent me over the roof.  At a minimum, I would have been sarcastic and belittled him.  You see, my Big Guy, has ADD.  He is a hard worker and I love him for it, but organization is something he struggles with.  It was obvious that he was embarassed and upset that he was putting us out.  We had to drive back and get it in order to get the car.  On top of it, our son was with us. 

Was it aggravating?  Yeah, it was late a night and we were at a deadline before they closed.  I looked at his face, and took a deep breath and was able to step back, and realize all the important things.

1.  He worked so hard to get everything together to purchase this car for me.
2.  It was so important to him that we get something I liked and would feel good about.
3.  In the grand scheme of things, it was an extra hour and a half of time we had together in the car.
4.  I was able to show my son that I respected and love his dad and how to smooth these kind of situations over.

I am very proud of my man.  He has stepped up and expected my respect and made it easy to do so by his treatment and love for me.  I am also proud that I am able to say, that I simply told him it was nothing but a thing and I was very sorry that it had made him feel bad.  Even our son got into the groove of things and told him that these things happen not to worry about it.

We have come so far.  2 years ago, I would have been an ungrateful witch in the face of the aggravation and made him feel bad.  He would have taken in, and we would have had a cold war for days.  Not this time.. so.....  WE have come a long way BABY....

OH.. and this is what I got.. This one is for you ROGUE!!!

You guessed it!!!!!  It's a Nissan ROGUE.....