That was two months ago. I guess for those who don't know, I am a children's social worker. I have been for 23 year in one capacity or another. I have been in my current position for 11 years, almost 12. As I sat writing court reports this last week, knowing I was going to be forced to return children into situations that at best, weren't in their best interest and at worst put them at high risk for abuse, something dropping into my heart and settled over my soul.
In the years I've worked this job, I have said many things.
- I'm tired
- I'm overwhelmed
- I'm weary to my soul
- I don't know how long I can do this
- I don't know how long I want to do this
I can not leave right away, and in talking with The Man, we have agreed that I need to do this the right way in a way that maintains the reputation I have worked so very hard to build and maintain. He was gentle as he told me, "I'm not going to push for a time frame, but I am going to begin to prepare us for you to leave."
He humbled me. He didn't gloat (and he could have). He didn't fuss me out or get angry because I could have agreed to his decree two months ago, two years, ago, four... you get the idea. He didn't demand a time line. It wasn't time then. I needed room to breathe... to feel... to let go. Am I afraid? Yes. I don't know what is to become of the future. I am not meant to stay at home. I worked very hard to build my career. I was, well mine. It was the one thing I did well, when it felt that I had failed in so very much. He is supportive of me. He was kind, and my feelings mattered. Ya just can't ask for more than that..