Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Is it Me? Or is it Him? Or is it Us?

Something changed.  Is it me?  Maybe.  Is it him?  Possible.  Is it us?  More than likely.

All I know is we are walking deeper into TTWD and it's all good.  Not always comfortable, but good.  I feel his love daily.  I feel his strength like a silent guardian.  His compassion has been like a comfortable chair I can sink into when I am tired and emotionally overwhelmed.

In this transition, shift of power, settling of submission, I have become more able to tell things.  Things that I wouldn't normally tell him out of protection for one of the kids, my parents, job, or friends. (read in here ---hiding)  When he showed me that he was willing to listen to me and hear what I have to say.. Something shifted.  The walls I often build have begun to crumble.

I was able to say to The Man.  "I need you to do something for me."  "I need you to give me a task to do daily.  I need to feel your authority and assistance with prioritizing."  I have had a daily task.  Sometimes a chore, sometimes a thought provoking scenario, sometimes a mental exercise, but all meant to help us grow.  I find I want to do a good job, not because I have to but because he wants me to.  I asked him for this and he is being very thoughtful in what kinds of things he asks me.

He has really stepped up with things like bed time so I can rest, setting boundaries for my loved ones and his so very strong, compassionate support of my job.  I needed to know I mattered, that my feelings were important and that I mattered enough to be pursued, and cherished and protected.

I am submissive by nature.  I have a very strong personality, but my need to please my husband is a driving force within me.  Doesn't mean I don't chafe at his authority sometimes.. Did I mention I like my own way?  Yet in his authority I find safety, I find security, I find.... me.

So is it me?  Is it Him?  I think most likely it's US and that is a good thing.

12 comments:

  1. Dana - I'm sitting here with a great big smile on my face and happy tears in my eyes.

    I am so proud of both of you and yes it is "US" because you spoke up and he stepped up. Standing ovation for both of you!

    Keep up the great work. :D

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. Yeah. It's amazing, except when I'm in trouble....

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  2. Great post and happy for you!

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    1. Thanks. It's a process that is sure..

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  3. "I am submissive by nature. I have a very strong personality, but my need to please my husband is a driving force within me." That really speaks to me. I find that too...in the moment, it can be a bit annoying, but then later when I think about it, I feel him love and I really appreciate it.

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    1. I know... it's kinda like.. I want him to be the boss... except when I don't....

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  4. Yep totally and US thing. It's one of the best US things I've seen in a long time. I'm so happy for you. I hope that things continue this way for you.

    Each post I read the more I think we think alike. I have asked Bucko for a daily task as well, and it has helped us greatly.

    Keep it up!

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    1. We are both amazed at the subtle shift that has accomplished for us.

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  5. It's really nice when things start to fall into place isn't it? You sound quite content. Smiling.

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    1. THAT is the word I have been looking for!!! thank you Susie... That is it exactly.. and at peace..

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