Something changed. Is it me? Maybe. Is it him? Possible. Is it us? More than likely.
All I know is we are walking deeper into TTWD and it's all good. Not always comfortable, but good. I feel his love daily. I feel his strength like a silent guardian. His compassion has been like a comfortable chair I can sink into when I am tired and emotionally overwhelmed.
In this transition, shift of power, settling of submission, I have become more able to tell things. Things that I wouldn't normally tell him out of protection for one of the kids, my parents, job, or friends. (read in here ---hiding) When he showed me that he was willing to listen to me and hear what I have to say.. Something shifted. The walls I often build have begun to crumble.
I was able to say to The Man. "I need you to do something for me." "I need you to give me a task to do daily. I need to feel your authority and assistance with prioritizing." I have had a daily task. Sometimes a chore, sometimes a thought provoking scenario, sometimes a mental exercise, but all meant to help us grow. I find I want to do a good job, not because I have to but because he wants me to. I asked him for this and he is being very thoughtful in what kinds of things he asks me.
He has really stepped up with things like bed time so I can rest, setting boundaries for my loved ones and his so very strong, compassionate support of my job. I needed to know I mattered, that my feelings were important and that I mattered enough to be pursued, and cherished and protected.
I am submissive by nature. I have a very strong personality, but my need to please my husband is a driving force within me. Doesn't mean I don't chafe at his authority sometimes.. Did I mention I like my own way? Yet in his authority I find safety, I find security, I find.... me.
So is it me? Is it Him? I think most likely it's US and that is a good thing.