Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Things that make you go... Hmmmmm

It is time for The Man to come home.  I am so excited.  It has been an extremely difficult month.  We have struggled more than usual.  We didn't handle it well.  He withdrew, I shut down and the wheels called our love came to a GRINDING halt.  It took some time, and patience and the healing began.

I am strangely at peace.  Things have been so up and down on the emotional roller coaster.  I was finally able to humbly ask my Man to help me.  Help me by being strong, being consistent and love me enough to lead.  Even if I balk (who me?)  I need him to be the strong man that I know will shelter me under his protection and love.

I have no illusions that this is gonna be a walk in the park.  I will need to remind myself that I am so very tired of feeling like I am all alone.  That everyone wants a piece of me and there just isn't enough to go around.  The reality is this:

1.  I am the wife of an amazing Man who is out of town 6 months out of the year.
2.  I am the mother of 4 awesome kids, two of whom have a very unique outlook on life.
3.  I am the daughter of a mother who has significant bipolar and is not stable.
4.  I am the daughter of a father who has a terminal illness.
5.  I am a Social worker for kids who need an advocate.
6.  I am me.

None of these things are changing.  Sooooooooo, what must change is HOW I deal with this.  I have taken it all on my own....  I got this.. I got this....  Damn.. I soooo don't have this.  Therefore, I have asked The Man to help me set boundaries.  Boundaries with my kids, boundaries with my Mom, boundaries with my job. 

Do I have a spanking coming?  Yes, I do.  I did the crime, I'll pay the dime.  Oddly enough, I'm not fearful.  Usually I am so beside myself by this time it's agony.  Oddly enough, I am calm.  I trust him to do the right things.  I trust him to love me enough to discipline.  To reconnect with me.  TTWD is a process.  We are growing, we are changing.  It's not always comfortable, but I take great comfort in knowing that we are doing it together.

9 comments:

  1. Awwww Dana - I am sooooo proud of you. The growth you are showing is amazing and the growth together is outstanding. Together, you can do anything!

    Blessings,
    Cat

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    1. We are getting there. There is a joy in the journey.

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  2. Dana, what a great post. I'm so happy for you that he'll be home soon. And I think you should be proud of yourself too. : )

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    1. It's one step at a time ya know?

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  3. I know what it is like to finally get to the point, that you just can't seem to be able to do it ALL anymore. I asked my husband to discipline me, because I just couldn't do it myself anymore. I shut down, so to speak. The world just got heavier and heavier on my shoulders, and now that it's not so much, I still have the feeling it is. My husband now sets guidelines, chores, and rules. Unfortunately he isn't all that consistant, so I am better but still have a lot of growing to do. I pray that God will help you, with your husbands help, set those boundries. I pray that he will help your loved ones in their conditions also. God Bless You and All You Love, Belle L.

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    1. Sadly, I have come to the conclusion that I am not wonder woman...

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  4. The being apart is so hard, Dana. It wears so terribly. But it is incredible to have someone who knows how to take care of us and loves us enough to take us in hand.

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  5. Wonderful! It can be really difficult to ask for help, but when we do, we open the door to so much growth in our relationship. The amazing thing is that when we ask for help, we actually help create the environment for our spouse to grow into their own marital role. It's not all about taking - it's more about sharing and growing together.

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    1. I have seen that it has given him the opening to walk deeper in his role and me in mine. Whereas that isn't always easy or comfortable, it is growth and THAT is a good thing.

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