It is time for The Man to come home. I am so excited. It has been an extremely difficult month. We have struggled more than usual. We didn't handle it well. He withdrew, I shut down and the wheels called our love came to a GRINDING halt. It took some time, and patience and the healing began.
I am strangely at peace. Things have been so up and down on the emotional roller coaster. I was finally able to humbly ask my Man to help me. Help me by being strong, being consistent and love me enough to lead. Even if I balk (who me?) I need him to be the strong man that I know will shelter me under his protection and love.
I have no illusions that this is gonna be a walk in the park. I will need to remind myself that I am so very tired of feeling like I am all alone. That everyone wants a piece of me and there just isn't enough to go around. The reality is this:
1. I am the wife of an amazing Man who is out of town 6 months out of the year.
2. I am the mother of 4 awesome kids, two of whom have a very unique outlook on life.
3. I am the daughter of a mother who has significant bipolar and is not stable.
4. I am the daughter of a father who has a terminal illness.
5. I am a Social worker for kids who need an advocate.
6. I am me.
None of these things are changing. Sooooooooo, what must change is HOW I deal with this. I have taken it all on my own.... I got this.. I got this.... Damn.. I soooo don't have this. Therefore, I have asked The Man to help me set boundaries. Boundaries with my kids, boundaries with my Mom, boundaries with my job.
Do I have a spanking coming? Yes, I do. I did the crime, I'll pay the dime. Oddly enough, I'm not fearful. Usually I am so beside myself by this time it's agony. Oddly enough, I am calm. I trust him to do the right things. I trust him to love me enough to discipline. To reconnect with me. TTWD is a process. We are growing, we are changing. It's not always comfortable, but I take great comfort in knowing that we are doing it together.