Sunday, August 12, 2012

Maybe it's just me....

I try very hard to be fair.  I try to see things from other people's perspective.  I have struggled with TTWD.  I am a very strong minded, strong willed woman.  I have had to step out and take the lead and authority in my home, cause well I had kids to raise and I was the ONLY adult until The Man came along.  I am also a pleaser at heart.  I want to make my husband happy.  I am aware that I need to feel safe, loved, protected and sometimes that means from me.  I am a giver.  I give and give and give till I just don't have much left.  That being said...

As I have read other blogs, I have squirmed and thought to myself,  "I just couldn't live that way."  However, the women are happy in their homes, love their husbands and feel that the boundaries that have been set are what makes the marriage work for both of them and their family.  Therefore, who am I to say?  They likely wouldn't like our life, because it's well, OUR life.

On the flip side, I have read comments that break my heart to know that a woman is trapped in a relationship that is abusive and feels she has no way out.  Let me take this moment to say, THERE is a way out.  There are shelters everywhere, there are churches, there are organizations.  It is so very hard to step out (I know, been there, done that) but you can and if you have children, you must.

There are however some things that I believe to be FUNDAMENTAL to TTWD, respect, honesty, teamwork, RESPECT, mutual communication, love, trust,.. Oh yeah.. that last one is a BIGGIE.  All, and I mean all of the women whom I've had the joy to chat with and interact with, that are in a healthy relationship all share this thing, they are able to TALK to their mates, we discuss, we may not agree, but we are heard.

What sends me through the roof are women or men for that matter that treat this way of life like a game.  Women who continue to be deceitful, disrespectful, and take joy in doing just that.  Getting one over on their mate, hiding things, belittling in places they feel their mate won't see, like a website they don't know about.  For those of us who are working hard, and are committed to this way of life, this is insulting.  My opinion, and well it's my blog, is this, if you want to play games, fine, there is nothing wrong with that, but please do not insult those of us who are trying so very hard to remain committed to a decision that was jointly made with our mates to improve our marriage. 

Let me clarify, struggling with an issue, how to tell your mate is one thing.  I have things that I still struggle with, it's difficult for me to be honest about.  I'm not proud of it, they shame me and I feel guilty about it when I think to myself, "Does he REALLY need to know about that?"  That is different.  We garner great support from one another on the network.  The women there will be quick to say, "You gotta fess up."  I don't like being punished.  I don't like disappointing my HoH.  And I can't imagine how he would feel if he stumbled across an entry where I was making it obvious I had NO respect for him and was basicallly taunting his authority. 

There is no shame in not living this life, and if  you don't agree with it, and your spouse insists on it, It's a NO GO.  This must be a consensual relationship.  It works wonders in marriages that both feel is what their marriage needs.  It would be much more courageous, intelligent and respectful to tell your spouse/mate that you do not want to enter into this kind of way of life than to be manipulative and deceitful.  In ANY relationship, there must be basic respect and trust.  Without that foundation, in my humble opinion, you ain't got much goin' for ya.

11 comments:

  1. You expressed yourself well, Dana, and I agree with you 100%! I too find it insulting to hear women who claim to be DD wives, laugh and joke at how they disrespect, disobey their husbands, when it is something I believe in and work hard to keep it real. But, we can't do much about them, other to shake our heads and feel sorry for them, for if they treat DD like a game, they are missing out on the tremendous benefits.

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    1. You betcha. Thanks for the encouragement C. Coming from you, that's high praise. Made my day.

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  2. I totally agree with you Dana. I would give anything (even a daily "you don't want this!" spanking) to have my HoH back! I see red and am sometimes not very diplomatic (oops) when I hear a woman brag about how she is smarter than her husband because she deceives him and he doesn't catch her. If she doesn't value her husband and her marriage, she needs to end it and let him find a good relationship - DD or non-DD.

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    1. I feel ya Cat. Your story puts it into a very different light ya Know?

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  3. Aside from both partners needing to do it, I know what you mean about some people treating it like a game, especially some women. You sometimes almost seen a punishment Olympics where some women are proud of the punishment they managed to brat out of their man. At that point I just ask why? Is it just that you want a spanking? Then introduce reminder spankings to your relationship. I mean that's why we do them, I don't deny I'm a bit of a spanko at heart, so among other reasons that's why we do them, to fulfill any need I have to feel his presence over me. Otherwise it's just like what the heck. Submission needs to come from a legitimate place of love to want to submit. When I get an actual punishment, it hurts, and I don't mean that just physically, I mean it usually hurts even beforehand when I'm getting the dreaded lecture because I honestly feel bad at letting him down and not fulfilling my obligations in the relationship. I would never purposely try to be disrespectful or disobedient to my man. He's wonderful, I love him, it's the entire reason we do this, I don't want to disappoint him anymore than he wants to disappoint me.

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    1. I can't decide if they make me sad or mad or both. I understand the whole needing to feel his presence over me...

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    1. Thanks!!! From the person whose the very first blog I read... THANKS

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  5. Of course you are right Dana. I think some people are not strong enough for dd, so they make a game out of it. We all know how hard it is to be a submissive wife. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. Admitting a mistake to myself is hard and telling him takes all the courage I have. If I didn't have the strength to do what I know is right, what would I do to cope? I don't know, but maybe some women act in the way you described. I would hope that these women do love their husbands and will eventually find the courage to give them the respect they have promised.

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    1. I hope that is true Joanie, but I have met so many women who take joy in belittling. I just cringe

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