Sunday, July 22, 2012

New Perspective

It was an awesome day yesterday.  The Man and I spent all day together working on one thing and then the other.  I had pool time to soak up some sunshine and then we got ready to go out with friends.  Before we left, I made the decision that I was going to make a conscious decision to defer to my husband this evening.  I wanted to see if my friends would notice.  Well, to be honest, I wanted to see if it would improved their behavior.  They are amazing people, both of them.  They both also really struggle with appropriate behavior after alcohol is introduced.

We had a wonderful dinner.  I quietly asked if he would mind ordering for me, he just smiled and said, "Consider it done."  It was a delightful evening of adult conversation, a little risky in places but all in fun.  When it came time to pay, I quietly handed him the bank card (I carry it because I am the one who is here 12 months out of the year) so that he could pay.   I always enjoy watching my husband interact with others.  He gets along with everyone and you would never guess he is a genius. By that I mean, he doesn't put on "airs" or make others feel stupid or that he is more important or more intelligent.  Last night, was a special treat because there was one or two in the group that were much like him.  He truly shines and I am always proud of him.

I was only disheartened when it came time to pay.  The Man did not realize what I was trying to do and brought to light the "card" was mine and that I was playing Sugar Mama tonight.  It was done in a light hearted fashion and I was in no way offended.  I was however, a little sad.  I was trying so hard to support and make his position as leader of our home obvious to others.

Now, I don't have alot of tolerance for public displays of stupidity.  After dinner, we went to a bar that had music and we were outside chatting.  My friends were becoming a bit more boisterous.  We were having a good time, and then one crossed a line and The Man looked at me, and I said, "Stop it, now."  The friend made a joke (increased volume included).  I simply said, "I will get up and leave right now.  You are not going to embarass me in public."  The Man just smiled.  See, this friend is MY friend from childhood, so the big guy was giving me a chance to handle it. 

I think the biggest shocker was when after the third drink was finished, and my friend was going to order another, I said, "It's okay, he's not going to let me have another one."  My friend asked The Man, and the my loving husband started to soft pedal it (in his mind he was saving face for me), and I simply said, "Honey, it's ok, you don't have to explain anything to him."  At that point, ALL conversation stopped as my friend was at a loss (not an easy thing to do).  The good mood was recovered quickly and we said our good byes while my friends were still on the "good" side of the booze.

The really awesome thing is, I found out this morning, that my friends decided to leave right after us.  I consider that a direct response to my choice to make it obvious that appropriate behavior is not only appreciated but expected, and that My Man protects me and shelters me when I'm having a good time.  I forgot to mention, he made it obvious that he would not be drinking more than one as I was drinking that evening and not only was he driving, he needed to be able to care for me. TTWD permiates every aspect if you let it.  We are learning.


  1. It sounds like a good evening and an interesting lesson you set out to achieve.

    glad you had a good time xx

    1. We truly had a wonderful time. I have become so aware that society has come women to disrespect their men, make jokes at their expense, disregard what they say. It is disturbing to me. It is embarassing that I once played that game.