Tuesday, June 26, 2012

What the World has made it

I spent the day today swallowing my tongue.  (Go ahead and chuckle).  I had a day of training and it was excellent training on domestic violence.

I was so sad as I sat there and drew comparisons between the loving feeling and the deep appreciation I have for my husband and our relationship, and what these women endure.  Am I spanked?  Yes!  Am I disciplined?  Yes!  Is he strong, confident, self assured, and very protective of me and the children?  Absolutely.  Am I cherished?  You bet.  The feeling of safety and security he provides for me, I wouldn't trade.  He values my opinion.  He encourages me to grow and daily expresses his love, and pride in me.  He has helped me rebuild my self esteem and encourages me to "shine".  He is the God appointed leader of our home and my HOH as well as spiritual leader of our home.

Weak men, distruction, and the world have distorted the way God intended things to be.  Men are charged to cherish their wives and love them as Christ loves the church, willing to give his life for her.  Men, who do not or will not step up to the plate and fulfill their God given charge to be head of their home (and this looks different for everyone) distort the roles which leads to abuse and pain.

I heard things that would curl your hair backwards.  I have long kept this secret.  My own personal shame.  My own dirty little secret so to speak.  I have worked hard, gotten help and oh how The Man has loved me.  I know the difference between what we have and abuse because my first husband was abusive.  There, I said it out loud and the earth did not shake nor come to an end (that is what my therapist used to say to me when I would stammer)

So, you see, it is easy for me to determine the difference.  Dd helps me feel stronger.  It helps me feel safe.  I feel loved, and cherished.  I can relax and oh.. how I love how sexy he looks in his mantle of authority.  Safety, I just can't say enough about safety.  I am not abused, abusers don't wake their wives up from a terrifying nightmare, knowing they will have to duck.  I am not demeaned.  Abusers don't say, "I am so glad you are losing weight for your sake, but remember I loved you and thought you were beautiful 45 pounds heavier."   I am not belittled or taken advantage of.  Abusers don't love their wives enough to keep them from doing harmful things that would hurt themselves or their relationship.

Abusers don't go to the vets office when it's time to say good bye to a true friend, and cry because their mate is heart broken.  It grieves me, oh how it grieves me to see how we as humans have allowed our roles to be distorted and what havoc it has wreaked with such devastating consequences.  But mostly, that it has caused those of us who live this life to be VERY cautious and secretive out of necessity to protect our men who are nothing like their imposters.


  1. Dana, there is a world of difference between Dd and abuse. Just like there is between sex and rape.

    You have no cause for shame. I am happy you made your way to a safe and healthy relationship ! Sara

  2. Dana, I'm sorry that you've gone through that. I imagine it was hard for you to hold your tongue while going through that training. You're right, there is a huge difference between ttwd and abuse, between a loving HOH and an abuser. I'm happy that you now have a loving mate by your side.

  3. You guys are awesome. An extremely graphic tape was played, and for the first time in years, the need to flee rose up and I caught myself as I shoved my chair back, getting ready to RUN... My friend and coworker whom I love, gently laid her hand on my arm and said, "It's okay, you're just fine."

    It makes me so angry to see how things have become distorted, and so thankful to God for my mate.

  4. Such a good post and very, very true! I work with women who have been abused and it is so horrible the things they go through! There is SUCH a difference between abuse and DD! I see it all the time - women who are hurting and aching and broken and so so miserable, feeling guilty and shameful and afraid. I have never spoken/read about a woman in a DD relationship who felt those things. I love the awesome things you pointed out that your husband does for you - so sweet and loving! :)