Thursday, June 21, 2012

What I don't want...

It's tough when there are moments that your life feels like the Facebook status, "it's complicated".    I am a helper by nature.  I "fix" things.  It's what I do, how I'm made.  It is hard when you realize, there are some things you just can't fix.

I am the daughter of a burly man of irish descent and a mother who, God love her, struggles with bipolar.  It is hard when you have to say to a parent, the other isn't all good, or all bad, but still my parent.  Which leads me to what I don't want.  I don't want to look back on my life and feel that my life has been a waste, that the only good thing from my marriage is my childen.  I don't want to confide in one of my children that I grieve daily that I wasted my life.

I don't ever want my kids to wonder how they can make things better.  I don't ever want them to wonder WHY we got married or feel like they ruined my life, just by being.  Or that I gave up my life because of them.  Or that they are the reason I lived a life of misery.

I don't want my children to ever wonder how the two people you love most in the world and are so good to you are so bad to one another.  I don't ever want my children to feel desperate to make me stop crying or how to intervene.  I don't ever want my kids to wonder how to be there for both their parents without taking sides..  What I really don't want, is for my children to ever feel this sad for two people they love.

Dana

3 comments:

  1. Those are important goals that will likely help to keep your marriage on track! Welcome to blogging! Sara

    ReplyDelete
  2. Sara,

    Yes, I totally agree. The reason behind this post is alot of why I am so sold on TTWD. It has made such a difference in our marriage and our life for us and our kids have reaped the benefit. I love my parents, I truly do, both of them. It hurts me so to see just what all they can do that is hurtful. Dana

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wouldn't want those things for myself, my spouse or my children. I wouldn't say that we were headed in that direction exactly, but doing ttwd has made a huge difference in our marriage and has had a big impact on Michael and I as individuals as well. And it most certainly has had a positive impact on our children. :)

    ReplyDelete