It's tough when there are moments that your life feels like the Facebook status, "it's complicated". I am a helper by nature. I "fix" things. It's what I do, how I'm made. It is hard when you realize, there are some things you just can't fix.
I am the daughter of a burly man of irish descent and a mother who, God love her, struggles with bipolar. It is hard when you have to say to a parent, the other isn't all good, or all bad, but still my parent. Which leads me to what I don't want. I don't want to look back on my life and feel that my life has been a waste, that the only good thing from my marriage is my childen. I don't want to confide in one of my children that I grieve daily that I wasted my life.
I don't ever want my kids to wonder how they can make things better. I don't ever want them to wonder WHY we got married or feel like they ruined my life, just by being. Or that I gave up my life because of them. Or that they are the reason I lived a life of misery.
I don't want my children to ever wonder how the two people you love most in the world and are so good to you are so bad to one another. I don't ever want my children to feel desperate to make me stop crying or how to intervene. I don't ever want my kids to wonder how to be there for both their parents without taking sides.. What I really don't want, is for my children to ever feel this sad for two people they love.