Saturday, June 30, 2012

Three Word Phrases... that lead to trouble...

All is well that ends well, right?  That's my story and I'm sticking to it.  This week has been one that I have felt every last one of "hats" I wear.  Ya know... The Mommy hat, the wife hat, the daughter hat, the friend hat, the social worker hat, the children's church worker hat and the sister hat.. you get the idea.   We all have weeks like that right?

And when I have weeks like that, it's time to grab the boot straps, put the big girl panties on and suck it up right?  RIGHT!!

(OK, so they aren't your NORMAL bootstraps, but I'm not normal...)

So, throughout this week I found myself saying the same two phrases to The Man when he inquired how I was.  I'm just tired and....  I'll be fine.  These  are catch phrases for, I'm overwhelmed, I'm in a bad place and I have withdrawn behind the walls of self preservation, the draw bridge for the mote is UP and I have battoned down the hatches.  Which means, I am in a place so small and in a ball so tight that NO one can fit with me.  Afterall, I must be strong right?  Gotta hold it together? 

The Man is out of town working, so it makes it so much easier to put the boxing gloves on and stand tall.  I knew the jig was coming to a close when I read the message, "I'm going to want to hear that you have crashed in the very near future." (this is in reference to the whole two hours of sleep at a time since Tuesday).

Then there was the whole, I was under the impression when you didn't GO to the other doctor's appointment you had made a new one with the new doctor.  (Oops....)  Then I said, "Are you mad at me?"  No, I thought you were angry with me because of the doctor's appointment.  Then He explained that I had been rather "confrontational" about several things of late. 

I wonder if I will ever stop running from him to begin with and run to him?  He deserves so much more than that.  I feel like such a coward when I do this.  Can see myself doing it.  Try NOT to do it, but in the end, here I am, hiding, with the little part of me standing behind the guard hoping and praying that he'll scale the walls, and pick me up in his arms, put me in his lap and hold me.  Unfortunately, sometimes, that whole spanking thing has to happen before I wanna climb in his lap.  Cause well, I can pull my own lil red wagon.  Right?


7 comments:

  1. awww I hope this coming week is much better for you! :)

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  2. Oh how I can relate to this post! It's hard to find that balance sometimes isn't it? They're gone and we need to handle things and yet we're still supposed to rely on them and let them help us. Sometimes I manage it and other times, well, not so much. I hope things are going smoother this week!

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    1. Grace, that whole submitting even WHEN you are gone can be tough sometimes (like all the time). I'm getting there.

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  3. Hi there, ive just found you, a grate read. yes really hope this week is better for you. I often find it very hard to ask for a spanking and his love when i really need it... its like you. i hide behind my walls, but my huby knows me to well, and well and will take me for one anyway.
    thanks for the read...

    TW

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  4. ps loving the pict of the shooes, whish my big boats of feet would fit lol

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    1. Understand about the shoes... I wear a 10. My Man also knows me well and knows when to deal. He is good and kind and loving, but very consistent. Like last night when I finally admitted that I had blown my diet and smoked in the midst of the stress.. and I got this message, "Honey, I know things are very stressful right now. Yes, I am going to spank you, but I will take the events of the last week into consideration whiile I am." You just can't ask for much more than that. Other than, the last thing he said, was, I love you very much.

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