Saturday, February 4, 2017

Date Night

Yay!!!!  Tonight is date night.  We don't do it very often.  Lots of time, I would rather stay in and cook and just be together.  Tonight however, is date night.  I am relaxing today (yes, there are lots of other things to be doing) so that I won't be tired.  I will dress up, taking time with what I wear, my make up and hair.  We will go out to our favorite restaurant and enjoy one another's company.  It will be just grown up time.  I'm not allowed to talk about work.  

I am hoping, that we can maybe start to talk about how we want things to be.  I was thinking the other day.  It has been a very long time since we talked about us.  Where we are.  Where we want to be.  What things we want to accomplish.  What area of our relationship we want to work on.  

We spent time together cleaning our room and rearranging the furniture.  The Man is working on getting rid of the clutter in the house.  I don't know where we are headed with TTWD.  I think we are both going to have to give, alot....  There are things that make it very difficult for him to remain consistent.  I think we are going to have to pick just certain things.  

Anyway.... I digress.  I am just happy to be spending time with him alone tonight.  

Sunday, January 29, 2017

It's The Little Things

It has been a real struggle for me.  I am submissive in nature.  Those who have followed me know that The Man works out of town 6 months out of the year.  We have had a real struggle the last 2 years.

I ask myself questions like, can I trust you to be dominant again?  But that's not the right question.  Can I trust you not to hurt me again?  But that isn't the right question.  Can I trust you to be consistent?  Can I trust you to take this as seriously as I do?  Can I trust this to matter to you?  Can I trust you to be vested in this lifestyle?  All of those question lead to the burning question....  Can I trust  you to be HoH of our home?

Things were comfortable.  No great highs, no great lows.  I end p feeling like we are cohabitating.  It's not a bad way to live.  It's comfortable, easy, but its like something is missing.  I am keeping a part of myself to myself.  I don't have the answer.  We had the conversation that we were happier when things were more defined, and that we wanted to go back or try again, and then.. nothing.

Am I wrong to feel like I might as well be HoH if I have to make every attempt, I'm the one that sets it up.  I'm the one that decides the rules?  I don't have an answer for that either.

Then, there are times like this morning in church, during communion, when you took both your portion and mine and served me, that makes my heart melt.  In that moment, you are the head of our home and I am under your shoulder, your protection and it is amazing.

I am searching my heart for my submission.  Is my submission contingent on your leadership?  Your dominance?  I don't know.  I don't think so, but it's so very hard to be submissive when I don't know what I'm being submissive to or for.

I know that submissive or not.  Dominant or not, it's not a deal breaker for our marriage.  I love you very much and you love me.  I just don't know what to do with the rest.

Sunday, October 23, 2016

It's Been Forever

It's been forever!!!  I'm not even sure anyone will see this.  I left the blog without warning.  Life got  complicated, life got hard, blogland got dramatic and I left.

You might ask why I am sticking my toe in the pond?  Well, the truth is this, it is only here that I find acceptance for certain lifestyle choices.  I find that I need to have a place to talk about things that would curl the hair back of everyone else in my brave little world.

I guess the best way to describe what I am saying is... "I miss my tribe."

The Man and I are still together, I still work with kids, and still wear alot of hats.  I am hopeful that the "tribe" is willing to take back a wandering member..

Monday, April 13, 2015

A Moment of Clarity...

So, for those of you who keep up with me, you know that things have been tough for The Man and I lately.  We have struggled through this last month, through hurt feelings and feeling of betrayal and the death of a friend.

Today, I had a very serious moment of clarity.  While The Man was home alone, he was trying to put the lawn mower on the back of the truck for my dad to borrow.  As he almost reached the top of the ramps into the truck, the ramps snapped, and The Man fell backwards flat on his back with the lawn mower on top of him.  Did I mention he was home alone?  So that you can have a really vivid (look I suffered, thought I would share) picture of what landed on him, I have added a pic. for your viewing terror.

Image result for hustler zero turn mowers
Feel free to gasp!!  I did.
So after it became very, very clear to me that I could have lost my husband, my love, my friend, my protector, and my leader, I thanked the Lord above profusely for protecting my Moon Hangin' Man.  Then, the world shifted, the clouds rolled back and I came to the conclusion, that whatever I feel or we need to work through, really, REALLY pales in comparison to the mere thought of NOT having him to love and cherish.  He is sore, very sore, but nothing in broken and I did beg him to promise me he would never do anything like that again while home alone.  He didn't give me a hard time, or make light of my fears...  He completely agreed for my sake as well as his..


Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Real Neat Blog Award

Real Neat Blog Award Rules

1. Put the Award Logo in your post
2. Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you
4. Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs.
5. Let them know you nominated them.

My questions to be answered...

1. How many blog friends have you texted, spoken to on the phone, and/or met in person?  Let's see...  I have spoken to 4 blog friends, and hope to meet up with some this summer.

2. Three bloggers that have relationships most similar to your own

I would have to say Blondie, Sarah, and June from June and Ward all have a lot of traits from our marriage.

 3. How often do your blog - write posts and/or read post? 

It really depends.  Sometimes daily, weekly I post.  I try to read daily and comment when I can.  I find that if something is troubling me, or I want to share something that my "vanilla" friends wouldn't get.. I come here.

 4, Do you have more than one blog?   NO

 5. What would make you stop blogging?
I have almost stopped a couple of times.  Both times it was when the community was in an uproar over something or other and it was just too much drama for me.

 6. Are there any anonymous commenters that you liked so much that you wish they would blog?  I can't really think of any.  Most of the people who comment on my blog, leave their name, or blog name.

7. Does your spouse read your blog and/or participate with your blog?  Yes, The Man reads my blog, and sometimes comments.  Especially when he is away, it's another way for him to gage how I am doing.  It is also a way for us to communicate with one another.  He is always so encouraged by the community and how kind everyone is.

I nominate Lillyanna Rose Submits, Red Booty Woman, and Cat from Giggles, Grins and Reflections.

My questions are as follows:

1.  How long have you been blogging?
2.  Would you consider a relationship without TTWD?
3.  What do you like best about a DD relationship? What do you like least?
4.  Does anyone in your life know about your DD relationship status?
5.  What is your funniest DD experience?
6.  What is your partners most creative punishment?
7.  Would you like to meet any blog friends?

Monday, April 6, 2015

Whatcha Gonna do? Spank me?

Before you ask... yes I said it.  We were playing around, and it just rolled right out of my mouth...  A little voice inside myself said.."Are you stupid or what?"  However, The Man just smiled...

He has worked very, very hard this week to take care of some things that needed to be done.  He has not pushed me, but he has been here.  He has been very affectionate with me, touching, hugging, caressing..  It has been difficult at times.  It is very uncomfortable to be touched and snuggled when the walls are up.  It's almost painful, but slowly, things have gotten easier.

We had a family get together for Easter, and he and I were sending naughty messages back and forth..  We were both looking forward to playing then..  he began caressing, and then a deep massage because my muscles were screaming with tension and I drifted off to sleep.. He was prepared and happy with just snuggling, but there in that moment...  my heart longed to reconnect with him, and he loved me slowly and sweetly and it was amazing, and somehow, in that moment of meeting my needs...  the ache eased and I could breathe again.

We are working through things.  I am often timid and he is often at a loss, but we are getting there. 

Friday, April 3, 2015

What I Need, When I Need It...

The Man is home.  He has been for a little over a week.  There hasn't been a lot of talking.  It was very awkward when he first got home.  I was and still am to a large degree very guarded.  I don't want to be hurtful, nor do I want to be hurt.

Some things are better.  Some things have just been left hanging out there, not really sure how to draw them in or release them.. so there they stay.

There have been some things that have really reached me.  I had a very dear friend whom I loved dearly go home to be with Jesus very unexpectedly.  It broke my heart.  We have been friends since college.  I wouldn't have made it through my first two years without her.  I called her Sunshine, because that is what she was to everyone.  After watching the recording of her funeral, I was beside myself with grief and emotions battered my soul till I thought I would drown in them.  In a moment of desperation, I gathered several implements and begged The Man to please help me and to make it better.  (There had been no spanking up until this point).  The Man in his calm and loving way, spanked me until I could cry for my friend and the loss of her light in this world.  He loved me and then held me as I sobbed for the loss of my friend.

I had a situation that I was trying to get straightened out at a store, and they were NOT being forthcoming in how to cancel the order and get a refund.  After over an hour, I called The Man, and it went something like this:

Me:  Sweetheart, I have been here an hour, and I can not get this worked out, can you come?

The Man:  On my way, be there ASAP.

And when he got there, he took care of it.  He came marching into the section of the store I was in and it was VERY obvious he was not pleased with whoever had upset his wife to the place she called for back up.  With a few well placed comments and questions, we were on our way up front to have our money refunded.  He never raised his voice or was inappropriate.  It was pretty cool to watch truth be told...

The Man has worked hard on thing around the house that I would like to see done.  I am appreciative of everything that has been done.  He has enlisted the help of our youngest two sons and they are making some serious progress.

Then why do I still feel so alone?  Why do I feel like there is a wall between him and me?